Rented out my apartment and moved in with boyfriend last weekend. It's a temporary solution to my financial troubles, with the nice side-effect of getting to see each other more often. The fact that we are both extremely busy this semester will probably also lead to not seeing one another as much as a co-living situation would perhaps entail, which I honestly think is good. We both need space, so it's just a happy coincidence that we're not only both busy but that we're also both people who know how to make space for ourselves: knowing how to shut out computer noise while reading or being able to ignore the other persons music while working, etc. is key when you want to be near each other without annoying the other person out of their minds. I think it'll go well.
On the subject of moving though: when renting out your apartment furnished, it's surprising how much you still need to empty out of the flat. I can't believe I own so much stuff! I feel like a hoarder, despite the fact that I quite regularly get rid of things and keep the place tidy. And adding to that, I actually did some thorough sorting and threw away tons of unnecessary paper, sold over a 100 books and donated some clothes to charity this summer in preparation for the move.
Now I'm thinking I need to take a long hard look at my materialistic lifestyle and make some changes. It's obvious I don't need all the stuff I have. Not only because I couldn't even remember owning some of the things I put in storage last week, but it's pretty clear to me that if I manage to sell off so many books (which is honestly the things in my home I get most attached to) and feel a slight sense of relief (after the first pang of separation-anxiety), I will most likely feel tremendously pleased after getting rid of random meaningless stuff I've just held on to for the sake of holding on to.
I haven't really settled in at C. flat yet. Not only have I not finished unpacking (and I don't think I even brought that much considering I'll be here for half a year), but the fact is, except for the books I need for my studies, clothes suitable for fall and winter and 2 IKEA-bags filled with other random crap, nothing here is mine. I mean, I have 'my' side of the closet now, and my own shelves in the bathroom, and even some of my tins of tea and the teapot's here (bless, it like an hostile takeover on the tea-front and he is playing along splendidly)... but since I don't have a bookshelf, it all feels a bit askew. Actually, even the majority of the books I brought belong to various libraries, which is a bit sad.
So all in all, it does feel a bit strange, like it's not a move as much as a long-term visitation (which might be more close to the truth actually...). But I'm happy knowing that the strangeness has nothing to do with co-living in itself, as much as with the decor. That I can adapt to after all, as it's a really nice apartment even though it looks nothing like my own.
And, as I am the kind of person who believes wholeheartedly in the concept of making yourself feel at home wherever you decide to stay, I have started to track the few volumes I brought all around the the flat by the practical use of window sills. It'll be lovely in no time.
måndag, september 16, 2013
måndag, juli 15, 2013
Semester-rantings
Jag har semester. Svårt kan tyckas, när man faktiskt inte har en riktig anställning att ta semester ifrån. Men min sommar har bestått av jobbsök, artikelskrivande, studieångest, massa brf-arbete och även lite renovering. Så det känns väldigt bra med ett avbrott. Eftersom det tycks vara tradition att åka några dagar till Skåneland vart tredje år, sitter jag nu på tåget ner till Malmö. Efter bussförsening och missat pendeltåg lyckades jag kliva in i rätt vagn en minut innan avgång med en blandad känsla av total lättnad och stressmage. Drack självklart kaffe på det och åt en macka med bacon, så nu är jag pigg fastän jag satt uppe hela natten och pratade med världens finaste lillasyster. Hon sover säkert i tio timmar medan jag släpade mig till duschen bara tre timmar efter att jag somnat och hoppades på att inte somna i badkaret. Fem dagars sol och äppeldoft i Österlen är det jag behöver. Sara och jag kanske tar en sväng till Köpenhamn också, men vi får se, jag måste tänka på plånboken.
På tal om plånboken har jag börjat sälja av mina böcker. Inte alla såklart, för det skulle vara rena vansinnet, men iaf en 200 volymer. Började för typ 10 dagar sen och har sålt av iaf 30 redan, vilket är bra. Självklart var jag ju nere i källarförrådet pga veckans renoveringar och hittade två kartonger till som jag totalt glömt bort. Så när jag kommer hem ska jag nog uppdatera med iaf 10-20 titlar till. Mest studielitteratur, men det kanske är någon som vill ha det nu till hösten. Funderar på att lägga upp en del på Bokbörsen också...
Renovering var det ja. Pappa kom förbi i veckan och vi har målat, slipat, spacklat, spikat och varit på Boländerna ett antal gånger. Visserligen gör han allt det svåra arbetet, men jag hjälpte till en hel del och lyckades ändå hinna skriva artikel och recension, springa ärenden, utföra massa tungt trädgårdsarbete och långsamt pappersarbete för bostadsrättsföreningen. Nu är min fina lägenhet ännu finare och enrén är full av blommor och tomten har nya grillar.
Jag tror jag har sagt det tidigare, men när jag först flyttade till uppsala kände jag verkligen att jag ville bort från Stockholm utan att vara miltals bort från en större stad. Nu är jag så fäst vid Uppsala, så investerad i min lilla två och så lycklig av att bo där att det känns skitjobbigt att jag inte hittat jobb i stan och vet hur det blir med fortsatt boende. Men när jag valde en Master i humaniora hade jag ju inga förväntningar om att jobb skulle kastas åt mig i stora lass, så det är till att kämpa vidare bara.
Jag skriver ju inte här så ofta, för behovet finns inte. Jag bloggar om böcker och annat på Owl & Pussycat regelbundet. Har bloggat för UEB en gång, och det blir minst en gång till närmaste månaden. Blir inte så mycket dagboksskrivande över bloggen längre, och små funderingar hamnar på Facebook eftersom jag undviker Twitterflödet.
Men på tal om Twitter: jag är som alltid upprörd över världen. För allt möjligt. Men sexism står ju jävligt högt på listan, dag ut och dag in.
Svenska damlandslaget i fotboll är duktiga som fan. Twitterverse är fyllt av näthat och idioter som känner sig berättigade att kalla fullt främmande kvinnor horor, förminska deras person, identitet, intressen och yrke. Inte fan bryr sig någon att herrlaget vunnit en medalj på trettio år och damlaget vunnit över tio. Inte fan bryr sig någon att herrlaget inte ens klassas bland världens topp tjugo-lag, att de åkte ut så tidigt under förra VM att chipsreklamen om att sponsrade de under hela VM kändes som en två-månaders lång pinsamhet, för alla hälsar de välkomna som stridströtta hjältar. Jag menar inte att herrlaget inte förtjänar uppmuntran, om man gillar fotboll så ska man ju hejja på för all del. Men kom inte och skriv skit på nätet under ditt fejknamn om hur "de lesbiska kossorna inte kan sparka boll" för det handlar inte om fotboll era mofo's. Gillar man fotboll så är damlandslaget gudinnor som sopade mattan med Finland förra veckan. Dyrkar man istället patriarkatet och är del av samhällets sexistiska bottenslam, så näthatar man kvinnorna som spelat bättre än männen.
Sen har vi USA. Oh United States of Asshats, känner jag ibland. Om det här var en animerad film skulle mina ögon förvandlas till förstoringsglas som riktar en koncentrerad stråle av min brinnande ilska mot det amerikanska rättsystemet skeva berättigande av vit makt och kristen-patriarkal överhet.
I Florida dödar en vit man en svart tonårspojke, skjuter honom till döds för att han känt sig hotad trots att inspelat 911-samtal sagt att polis är påväg och att han kan ge sig av från platsen. Mannen frikänns för att han agerat sin rätt att försvara sig själv. Samtidigt fylls nätet av artiklar om en svart tvåbarnsmor som skjöt två varningsskott i luften för att värja av sin misshandlande ex-man (som dessutom brutit sitt besöksförbud för att komma och trackassera henne) och kvinnan fick 20 års fängelsestraff. 20 ÅR!
I Amerikanska högsta domstolen röstar man ner DOMA, lagförslaget som förhindrat homosexuella par från att få samma juridiska legitimitet som heterosexuella par, för man anser att lagförslaget inskränker på amerikanska grundlagar. Men med detta steg framåt sätter man eld i baken på alla konservativa blådårar. Ena staten efter den andra försöker föra in nya lagar som på andra sätt hindrar homosexuella från att leva ett normalt liv. Public service-anställda ska få rätten till att neka de allt från vård till bröllopstårtor, för att dessa pars synder inte ska påverka de riktiga offren (alltså de som tvingas samleva i verkligheten med homosexuella). Det är så jävla vidrigt.
Och så har vi abortmotståndarna. Dessa i majoritet vita kränkta män som aldrig själva ska bära någonting och som haft alla möjliga privilegier, men som ser det som sin rätt att bestämma över kvinnokroppar och kvinnoliv. Du måste föda ett barn till världen om du är gravid. Även om det skadar din hälsa. Även om du inte har råd eller möjlighet att ge ditt barn en ordentlig uppväxt. Även om du skyddat dig för att du inte vill ha barn. Även om du blivit gravid av att någon förgripit sig på dig. Du har ingen talan. Du ska helst inte ens få möjlighet att använda previntivmedel. I Texas höll senator Wendy Davis ett tio timmar långt filibuster, alltså ett oavbrutet tal där du inte vilar, äter, dricker, går på toa, för att ta slut på tiden för mötet innan lagförslag kan röstas igenom mot aborträtt. Hon lyckades till stor lycka skjuta på omröstningen en månad, men i förra veckan beslutades att förbjuda all abort, även i mest extrema fall (exempel, du är 13 år och din familjemedlem har systematiskt våldtagit dig och du är nu gravid) för att några människor med makt tror att de kan ta förvrängt religiöst skitsnack och nästla det i konstitutionen, och sen låta deras vy om ett ofött foster övertrumfa den redan levande kvinnans rättigheter (för hon betyder ingenting).
En mycket bra inlägg i den debatten, om det vita privilegiet, om män som hatar kvinnor och om det passiv-aggressiva kristna maktmonopolet med fokus på den amerikanska situationen, hittar man här.
Världen gör mig så förbannad.
Så ja, jag behöver semester. Att jag åker på semester just till Skåne (där små vita barn i Tomelilla stirrade och pekade på mig i total förvirring 2010 som om jag vore ett exempel av exotiserad fauna som illegallt migrerat norröver), och sen kanske spenderar en dag i Köpenhamn (vars Danske Folkeparti stod för allt jag fann äckligt med politik många många år innan jag ens hört talas om SD), det förvånar även mig lite...
Men jag tycker om Skåne. Österlen är vackert, och med lite tur så är vi bara en handfull människor och en hel massa äppelträd.
På tal om plånboken har jag börjat sälja av mina böcker. Inte alla såklart, för det skulle vara rena vansinnet, men iaf en 200 volymer. Började för typ 10 dagar sen och har sålt av iaf 30 redan, vilket är bra. Självklart var jag ju nere i källarförrådet pga veckans renoveringar och hittade två kartonger till som jag totalt glömt bort. Så när jag kommer hem ska jag nog uppdatera med iaf 10-20 titlar till. Mest studielitteratur, men det kanske är någon som vill ha det nu till hösten. Funderar på att lägga upp en del på Bokbörsen också...
Renovering var det ja. Pappa kom förbi i veckan och vi har målat, slipat, spacklat, spikat och varit på Boländerna ett antal gånger. Visserligen gör han allt det svåra arbetet, men jag hjälpte till en hel del och lyckades ändå hinna skriva artikel och recension, springa ärenden, utföra massa tungt trädgårdsarbete och långsamt pappersarbete för bostadsrättsföreningen. Nu är min fina lägenhet ännu finare och enrén är full av blommor och tomten har nya grillar.
Jag tror jag har sagt det tidigare, men när jag först flyttade till uppsala kände jag verkligen att jag ville bort från Stockholm utan att vara miltals bort från en större stad. Nu är jag så fäst vid Uppsala, så investerad i min lilla två och så lycklig av att bo där att det känns skitjobbigt att jag inte hittat jobb i stan och vet hur det blir med fortsatt boende. Men när jag valde en Master i humaniora hade jag ju inga förväntningar om att jobb skulle kastas åt mig i stora lass, så det är till att kämpa vidare bara.
Jag skriver ju inte här så ofta, för behovet finns inte. Jag bloggar om böcker och annat på Owl & Pussycat regelbundet. Har bloggat för UEB en gång, och det blir minst en gång till närmaste månaden. Blir inte så mycket dagboksskrivande över bloggen längre, och små funderingar hamnar på Facebook eftersom jag undviker Twitterflödet.
Men på tal om Twitter: jag är som alltid upprörd över världen. För allt möjligt. Men sexism står ju jävligt högt på listan, dag ut och dag in.
Svenska damlandslaget i fotboll är duktiga som fan. Twitterverse är fyllt av näthat och idioter som känner sig berättigade att kalla fullt främmande kvinnor horor, förminska deras person, identitet, intressen och yrke. Inte fan bryr sig någon att herrlaget vunnit en medalj på trettio år och damlaget vunnit över tio. Inte fan bryr sig någon att herrlaget inte ens klassas bland världens topp tjugo-lag, att de åkte ut så tidigt under förra VM att chipsreklamen om att sponsrade de under hela VM kändes som en två-månaders lång pinsamhet, för alla hälsar de välkomna som stridströtta hjältar. Jag menar inte att herrlaget inte förtjänar uppmuntran, om man gillar fotboll så ska man ju hejja på för all del. Men kom inte och skriv skit på nätet under ditt fejknamn om hur "de lesbiska kossorna inte kan sparka boll" för det handlar inte om fotboll era mofo's. Gillar man fotboll så är damlandslaget gudinnor som sopade mattan med Finland förra veckan. Dyrkar man istället patriarkatet och är del av samhällets sexistiska bottenslam, så näthatar man kvinnorna som spelat bättre än männen.
Sen har vi USA. Oh United States of Asshats, känner jag ibland. Om det här var en animerad film skulle mina ögon förvandlas till förstoringsglas som riktar en koncentrerad stråle av min brinnande ilska mot det amerikanska rättsystemet skeva berättigande av vit makt och kristen-patriarkal överhet.
I Florida dödar en vit man en svart tonårspojke, skjuter honom till döds för att han känt sig hotad trots att inspelat 911-samtal sagt att polis är påväg och att han kan ge sig av från platsen. Mannen frikänns för att han agerat sin rätt att försvara sig själv. Samtidigt fylls nätet av artiklar om en svart tvåbarnsmor som skjöt två varningsskott i luften för att värja av sin misshandlande ex-man (som dessutom brutit sitt besöksförbud för att komma och trackassera henne) och kvinnan fick 20 års fängelsestraff. 20 ÅR!
I Amerikanska högsta domstolen röstar man ner DOMA, lagförslaget som förhindrat homosexuella par från att få samma juridiska legitimitet som heterosexuella par, för man anser att lagförslaget inskränker på amerikanska grundlagar. Men med detta steg framåt sätter man eld i baken på alla konservativa blådårar. Ena staten efter den andra försöker föra in nya lagar som på andra sätt hindrar homosexuella från att leva ett normalt liv. Public service-anställda ska få rätten till att neka de allt från vård till bröllopstårtor, för att dessa pars synder inte ska påverka de riktiga offren (alltså de som tvingas samleva i verkligheten med homosexuella). Det är så jävla vidrigt.
Och så har vi abortmotståndarna. Dessa i majoritet vita kränkta män som aldrig själva ska bära någonting och som haft alla möjliga privilegier, men som ser det som sin rätt att bestämma över kvinnokroppar och kvinnoliv. Du måste föda ett barn till världen om du är gravid. Även om det skadar din hälsa. Även om du inte har råd eller möjlighet att ge ditt barn en ordentlig uppväxt. Även om du skyddat dig för att du inte vill ha barn. Även om du blivit gravid av att någon förgripit sig på dig. Du har ingen talan. Du ska helst inte ens få möjlighet att använda previntivmedel. I Texas höll senator Wendy Davis ett tio timmar långt filibuster, alltså ett oavbrutet tal där du inte vilar, äter, dricker, går på toa, för att ta slut på tiden för mötet innan lagförslag kan röstas igenom mot aborträtt. Hon lyckades till stor lycka skjuta på omröstningen en månad, men i förra veckan beslutades att förbjuda all abort, även i mest extrema fall (exempel, du är 13 år och din familjemedlem har systematiskt våldtagit dig och du är nu gravid) för att några människor med makt tror att de kan ta förvrängt religiöst skitsnack och nästla det i konstitutionen, och sen låta deras vy om ett ofött foster övertrumfa den redan levande kvinnans rättigheter (för hon betyder ingenting).
En mycket bra inlägg i den debatten, om det vita privilegiet, om män som hatar kvinnor och om det passiv-aggressiva kristna maktmonopolet med fokus på den amerikanska situationen, hittar man här.
Världen gör mig så förbannad.
Så ja, jag behöver semester. Att jag åker på semester just till Skåne (där små vita barn i Tomelilla stirrade och pekade på mig i total förvirring 2010 som om jag vore ett exempel av exotiserad fauna som illegallt migrerat norröver), och sen kanske spenderar en dag i Köpenhamn (vars Danske Folkeparti stod för allt jag fann äckligt med politik många många år innan jag ens hört talas om SD), det förvånar även mig lite...
Men jag tycker om Skåne. Österlen är vackert, och med lite tur så är vi bara en handfull människor och en hel massa äppelträd.
tisdag, mars 19, 2013
Stripes
There's this store in Sweden called KappAhl, and I've got a membership card there solely to get 30% off on their stupidly expensive jeggings. Because of this, I sometimes also get campaign e-mail.
The latest one came today, explaining that they're launching a new collection called 'Hampton Republic 27', inspired by the exclusive beach-style life of the area mentioned. They also have a competition, were the winner receives a week-long trip for two to the Hamptons (worth 35.000SEK) and get to report back on the fashion trends there.
I'm thinking on joining in.
Oh please KappAhl, won't you pick me?
I love nice food and walks on the beach. I'll be a riot at the country club with my exotic face, honestly I could be their affirmative action friend! And I'll wear tennis skirts and striped, navy inspired t-shirts with thin-knit pastel cardigans over my shoulders. I already own pearl earrings, so you'll have nothing to worry about there.
I'll be sure to take lots of pictures too, of people and the current fashion and put them all in an album called 'My big, rich, super-WHITE vacation'. You'll adore it, I promise.
And every night I'll be at the club sipping drinks and laughing at mens insipid jokes about women, and the womens complaints about their foreign house-keepers/gardners/nannies, and we'll laugh and laugh and laugh at poor people and it'll all be just grand.
(Fuck. You.)
The latest one came today, explaining that they're launching a new collection called 'Hampton Republic 27', inspired by the exclusive beach-style life of the area mentioned. They also have a competition, were the winner receives a week-long trip for two to the Hamptons (worth 35.000SEK) and get to report back on the fashion trends there.
I'm thinking on joining in.
Oh please KappAhl, won't you pick me?
I love nice food and walks on the beach. I'll be a riot at the country club with my exotic face, honestly I could be their affirmative action friend! And I'll wear tennis skirts and striped, navy inspired t-shirts with thin-knit pastel cardigans over my shoulders. I already own pearl earrings, so you'll have nothing to worry about there.
I'll be sure to take lots of pictures too, of people and the current fashion and put them all in an album called 'My big, rich, super-WHITE vacation'. You'll adore it, I promise.
And every night I'll be at the club sipping drinks and laughing at mens insipid jokes about women, and the womens complaints about their foreign house-keepers/gardners/nannies, and we'll laugh and laugh and laugh at poor people and it'll all be just grand.
(Fuck. You.)
tisdag, mars 12, 2013
Pull. Yourself. Together!
Anyone who knows the slightest thing about me knows I have the travel bug. If traveling could be my reward to myself anytime I did good, I'd ace everything and be abroad half the year.
Of course, money is the issue. As is time.
At the moment I'm preparing for a spring focused on studying and tying up loose ends. Last year in March I was planning on finishing my thesis. But I got caught up in all my part-time jobs, and put it aside. For autumn, I decided to take other courses out of interest and unrelated to my degree , and once again postponed getting my Masters.
But I'm tired now. I've had enough of this, and I want to finish school for good. Or if not for good, I want my studying to be for work, as a Ph.D. in the future perhaps. I want to get a real full-time job and get on to new things.
So for the next few months I'm putting my back into this; cutting down on socializing and day dreaming or whatever it is that keeps me from getting stuff done and really putting the final nail in the coffin that is my Master degree and burying this behind me (maybe not the perfect metaphor...).
Hopefully, this 10 week isolation I am planning might also lead to some saved money, which in turn will lead to a reward. I am thinking Romania.
Of course, money is the issue. As is time.
At the moment I'm preparing for a spring focused on studying and tying up loose ends. Last year in March I was planning on finishing my thesis. But I got caught up in all my part-time jobs, and put it aside. For autumn, I decided to take other courses out of interest and unrelated to my degree , and once again postponed getting my Masters.
But I'm tired now. I've had enough of this, and I want to finish school for good. Or if not for good, I want my studying to be for work, as a Ph.D. in the future perhaps. I want to get a real full-time job and get on to new things.
So for the next few months I'm putting my back into this; cutting down on socializing and day dreaming or whatever it is that keeps me from getting stuff done and really putting the final nail in the coffin that is my Master degree and burying this behind me (maybe not the perfect metaphor...).
Hopefully, this 10 week isolation I am planning might also lead to some saved money, which in turn will lead to a reward. I am thinking Romania.
lördag, mars 02, 2013
Badkaret
Jag har införskaffat badkar. Eller snarare, min far gjorde det åt mig och körde det dessutom till Uppsala, rara människa.
Det har varit en förhoppning att skaffa badkar sedan jag flyttade till lägenheten, och det var faktiskt en av de saker jag tänkte på när jag letade bostad, att jag ville få plats med ett badkar. Sen blev jag ju lite förälskad i min då skeva lägenhet, och tänkte att allt skulle gå bra. Närmare undersökning visade dock att mitt nya badrum kaklats efter stambyte till att ha 159cm mellan väggarna, exakt en centimeter av omöjlighet som inte tillät mig skaffa ett standardkar.
Men nu, sen två veckor tillbaka, är jag med badkar! Och igår natt efter att ha firat min kompis födelsedag och varit ute och dansat, så kom jag hem trött och lite kall och tänkte att ett midnattsbad skulle vara fantastiskt. Så jag tände ett ljus, duscha av mig och tappade upp ett bubbelbad. Det var så fint. Jag somnade nästan (vilket iofs kanske är mindre fint).
Problemet är, att när jag väl tömt karet och tvättat håret och klivit ut insåg jag att det hela tagit nästan två timmar. Klart värt det, men bara insikten om hur lång tid det tar är tillräcklig för att jag ska hålla mig till att duscha till vardags...
Det har varit en förhoppning att skaffa badkar sedan jag flyttade till lägenheten, och det var faktiskt en av de saker jag tänkte på när jag letade bostad, att jag ville få plats med ett badkar. Sen blev jag ju lite förälskad i min då skeva lägenhet, och tänkte att allt skulle gå bra. Närmare undersökning visade dock att mitt nya badrum kaklats efter stambyte till att ha 159cm mellan väggarna, exakt en centimeter av omöjlighet som inte tillät mig skaffa ett standardkar.
Men nu, sen två veckor tillbaka, är jag med badkar! Och igår natt efter att ha firat min kompis födelsedag och varit ute och dansat, så kom jag hem trött och lite kall och tänkte att ett midnattsbad skulle vara fantastiskt. Så jag tände ett ljus, duscha av mig och tappade upp ett bubbelbad. Det var så fint. Jag somnade nästan (vilket iofs kanske är mindre fint).
Problemet är, att när jag väl tömt karet och tvättat håret och klivit ut insåg jag att det hela tagit nästan två timmar. Klart värt det, men bara insikten om hur lång tid det tar är tillräcklig för att jag ska hålla mig till att duscha till vardags...
fredag, februari 01, 2013
Home again
It had been too long. I'm old enough now to be "aunt". I am old enough not to draw young boys all-to-forward attention anymore. I'm too old to pull off my head-dress at any given public occasion for pictures and protest alone (though I admittingly still do sometimes, and mostly out of vanity).
I don't think I've ever understood Iran as well as now. I don't think I've ever been so scared of it. Iran is a monstrous devouring thing, doing it's best to crush the opportunity and hopes of a young and struggling population, stuck between traditions they don't accept but still feel infused in, and a free foreign culture they keep accessing through media. It's an entire country plagued by split-personality syndrome, and I'm an Alice, concerned about loosing myself and my mind on the other side of the looking glass.
torsdag, december 27, 2012
Wrapping it up
It's been a year like many others. Some of it good, some of it bad, some of it horrifically stressful. I try to stay above water to the best of my abilities and take it in stride when I can and take it with less poise when I have to. What can I say, it's life. I do hope 2013 brings me less stress and more financial stability, cause I think that would be the major turning point for me right now.
As far as school-work, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever finish the Master. Yet I still chose to take additional courses this semester despite not needing it for my degree. What can I say, I am an academic at heart. But all this homework and these assignments are quite the load to carry, and so in the past three weeks, the only two days I've been free and off-duty were the day of my friends bachlorette-party and Christmas Eve, which turned out to be cozy and nice and relaxing in just the way I had hoped it would be.
I think what I've really missed out on this past semester is reading and writing for my own benefit. I think I've read two novels that weren't in any way school or work related. I haven't written a single short-story, extract or poem in months and months. I was planning on joining NaNoWriMo and even signed up on the page, but ended up having to write articles and papers instead. That being said, it's not like I haven't produced text: I wrote articles and reviews for work, homework, blog post (though not much of it is here as of late, but here at times, and mostly at The owl and the pussycat since October). I wrote a 12 page convention report from this years Swecon that got an honarary mention at Tystnad, and was printed in SF-Forum.
It has in many ways been a year I needed to get through. I don't feel like I actually finished many tasks or accomplished very many things, but I did a lot to get closer to quite a few goals, and I think that's OK.
I feel content, I feel loved, I love as well and all in all don't feel as disapointed with the years now that it's ending as I though I would a month or too ago. It's over soon anyway, why not look ahead instead?
As far as school-work, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever finish the Master. Yet I still chose to take additional courses this semester despite not needing it for my degree. What can I say, I am an academic at heart. But all this homework and these assignments are quite the load to carry, and so in the past three weeks, the only two days I've been free and off-duty were the day of my friends bachlorette-party and Christmas Eve, which turned out to be cozy and nice and relaxing in just the way I had hoped it would be.
I think what I've really missed out on this past semester is reading and writing for my own benefit. I think I've read two novels that weren't in any way school or work related. I haven't written a single short-story, extract or poem in months and months. I was planning on joining NaNoWriMo and even signed up on the page, but ended up having to write articles and papers instead. That being said, it's not like I haven't produced text: I wrote articles and reviews for work, homework, blog post (though not much of it is here as of late, but here at times, and mostly at The owl and the pussycat since October). I wrote a 12 page convention report from this years Swecon that got an honarary mention at Tystnad, and was printed in SF-Forum.
It has in many ways been a year I needed to get through. I don't feel like I actually finished many tasks or accomplished very many things, but I did a lot to get closer to quite a few goals, and I think that's OK.
I feel content, I feel loved, I love as well and all in all don't feel as disapointed with the years now that it's ending as I though I would a month or too ago. It's over soon anyway, why not look ahead instead?
måndag, oktober 22, 2012
New Girl
At home today, feeling a bit on the blue side. Not sad, just slightly off-kilter, like when you know you're not sick but feel somewhat nauseated, and you're not exhausted for any particular reason but your body still feels a bit too heavy to be coping with anything other than just laying around. I think to some degree, I'm also mad.
Lately, I just feel like I'm stuck. I think it's partially the season; fall always makes me quite desperate for change. I have a friend I've known for years, and a running gag between us is that she's always the one to say that she wants a change, that she wishes "something would just happen". And I'm always like: "Hell no, only bad things happen when you go looking!" But during autumn I always get this craving that comes out of a strange boredom, like I realize that yet another (school year) has started and I haven't really moved on or in a direction I've been hoping for or something like that.
I used to dye my hair around this time of year. That's usually the case actually, small changes. If lucky with work, I would go on a trip, travel somewhere on a cheap ticket and perhaps live with friends to keep the costs down. It was always fantastic.
Last year I moved. And met my boyfriend. And got a fantastic internship. Lot of things were new, and I didn't even feel like I was ready for half of it. But I guess I was. You're usually capable of handling more change than you assume. And all in all, it's been an OK year. Some things fantastic, some things absolutely awful, but I feel like I came out on an overall plus-side of life this past year.
This year, I just feel that on an emotional level, when it comes to personal growth, I'm in a good place. But it's in the more work-oriented field my troubles lie. It's not even like I've stagnated, it's like I'm moving backwards. As an example: couple of years ago, my finances would be something I would complain about to close friends. At its worse, I would tell acquaintances that I was low on cash and couldn't go to a concert or what not at the moment.
These days, I feel like I cannot hold a random conversation without talking about money. And honestly, it pisses me off. It upsets me that I still have to scrimp and save and borrow some months to pay all my bills. It upsets me that there are loads of people, many of them young people, in the same situation as I. It upsets me that I went to the unemployment office last week to get signed in, as a smart measure so that I would be in the system when my studies finished, in case I didn't find anything on my own, and it took them 45 minutes just to tell me they wouldn't have time to see me that day!
It's fucked up that I have three, three goddamn part-time jobs and still that's not enough to always pay my bills. What is this?! I'm always tired and moody, worried about my home work, and regular work, and finances, and trying to find a new job that covers the bills.
The only thing I got if ever in an even worse economic bind, is that I with the help of my generous parents could afford a loan to get my own place. (And that apparently makes everything fantastic, because how can you possibly be poor and have your own place?)
So, if I want to make my finances work, I have to take this apartment, for which I am indebted forever to the bank, and rent it out to someone else. Which could work. Except I would then loose perhaps one of the few things in life that I've got going for me right now. So I won't do it. I'll just keep working and saving and borrowing and complaining and wondering when the fuck I'll stop being a second-class citizen in my own fucked up country. I'm a poor person. Yes, I'm not unemployed without benefits, or a struggling single parent, nor am I retired and elderly and excluded by the system. I'm not homeless and I am certainly not without a safety-net: I have loved ones who can support me if it ever came down to that, but I don't want to put others in that spot.
But that doesn't mean things are good. They're not even mildly OK. It's not right that I work so much, get no benefits, study at the same time, and plan any bigger purchase or expense (like buying winter boots or going to the dentist) months in advance. Just constantly getting by is still taxing on so many levels, it's ridiculous that I would be considered lucky because I could get a loan from the bank.
And whatever excuses our government makes about our situation not being as bad as our southern EU-neighbours, the truth is that 9% of the Swedish population is unemployed, and a whole lot o them are young, educated people with very little experience cause there's no place for them to go.
So apparently I have to stop thinking that if I just keep working, and trying, things will perhaps turn around and I'll get to feel like a new, less tired and more happy version of me for the first time in a long long time. Cause that's all very lovely, but about as plausible as if I suddenly struck oil in my co-op's backyard. I'll probably keep dreaming til I die, and don't get me wrong - it's good to dream. But it doesn't pay my bills. At the end of the day, there's only work and nothing for it.
Lately, I just feel like I'm stuck. I think it's partially the season; fall always makes me quite desperate for change. I have a friend I've known for years, and a running gag between us is that she's always the one to say that she wants a change, that she wishes "something would just happen". And I'm always like: "Hell no, only bad things happen when you go looking!" But during autumn I always get this craving that comes out of a strange boredom, like I realize that yet another (school year) has started and I haven't really moved on or in a direction I've been hoping for or something like that.
I used to dye my hair around this time of year. That's usually the case actually, small changes. If lucky with work, I would go on a trip, travel somewhere on a cheap ticket and perhaps live with friends to keep the costs down. It was always fantastic.
Last year I moved. And met my boyfriend. And got a fantastic internship. Lot of things were new, and I didn't even feel like I was ready for half of it. But I guess I was. You're usually capable of handling more change than you assume. And all in all, it's been an OK year. Some things fantastic, some things absolutely awful, but I feel like I came out on an overall plus-side of life this past year.
This year, I just feel that on an emotional level, when it comes to personal growth, I'm in a good place. But it's in the more work-oriented field my troubles lie. It's not even like I've stagnated, it's like I'm moving backwards. As an example: couple of years ago, my finances would be something I would complain about to close friends. At its worse, I would tell acquaintances that I was low on cash and couldn't go to a concert or what not at the moment.
These days, I feel like I cannot hold a random conversation without talking about money. And honestly, it pisses me off. It upsets me that I still have to scrimp and save and borrow some months to pay all my bills. It upsets me that there are loads of people, many of them young people, in the same situation as I. It upsets me that I went to the unemployment office last week to get signed in, as a smart measure so that I would be in the system when my studies finished, in case I didn't find anything on my own, and it took them 45 minutes just to tell me they wouldn't have time to see me that day!
It's fucked up that I have three, three goddamn part-time jobs and still that's not enough to always pay my bills. What is this?! I'm always tired and moody, worried about my home work, and regular work, and finances, and trying to find a new job that covers the bills.
The only thing I got if ever in an even worse economic bind, is that I with the help of my generous parents could afford a loan to get my own place. (And that apparently makes everything fantastic, because how can you possibly be poor and have your own place?)
So, if I want to make my finances work, I have to take this apartment, for which I am indebted forever to the bank, and rent it out to someone else. Which could work. Except I would then loose perhaps one of the few things in life that I've got going for me right now. So I won't do it. I'll just keep working and saving and borrowing and complaining and wondering when the fuck I'll stop being a second-class citizen in my own fucked up country. I'm a poor person. Yes, I'm not unemployed without benefits, or a struggling single parent, nor am I retired and elderly and excluded by the system. I'm not homeless and I am certainly not without a safety-net: I have loved ones who can support me if it ever came down to that, but I don't want to put others in that spot.
But that doesn't mean things are good. They're not even mildly OK. It's not right that I work so much, get no benefits, study at the same time, and plan any bigger purchase or expense (like buying winter boots or going to the dentist) months in advance. Just constantly getting by is still taxing on so many levels, it's ridiculous that I would be considered lucky because I could get a loan from the bank.
And whatever excuses our government makes about our situation not being as bad as our southern EU-neighbours, the truth is that 9% of the Swedish population is unemployed, and a whole lot o them are young, educated people with very little experience cause there's no place for them to go.
So apparently I have to stop thinking that if I just keep working, and trying, things will perhaps turn around and I'll get to feel like a new, less tired and more happy version of me for the first time in a long long time. Cause that's all very lovely, but about as plausible as if I suddenly struck oil in my co-op's backyard. I'll probably keep dreaming til I die, and don't get me wrong - it's good to dream. But it doesn't pay my bills. At the end of the day, there's only work and nothing for it.
torsdag, september 06, 2012
Datum
Det är en del som händer just nu. Sanningen är väl att det alltid är en del som händer, vare sig man skriver om det eller inte, men det är en del som händer just nu som känns påtagliga datummässigt.
- I söndags blev det ett år sedan jag fick nycklarna till min lägenhet.
- Idag är det årsdagen för min mormors bortgång i 2006.
- Om en vecka är det årsdagen för påbörjandet av min tre-månaders praktik på Mix förlag, kanske det bästa jag gjort under hela min utbildning.
- Det är 11 månader sedan jag åt min första lunch med C. Då var det ju inte tänkt som annat än en lunch... Jag fattar inte att det gått ett år snart, det är rent absurt (på ett bra sätt såklart!)
- På måndag påbörjar jag förhoppningsvist vad som blir min absolut sista termin av universitetsstudier (om jag inte doktorerar i framtiden vill säga).
- Jag har suttit ca 5 månader som Brf-ordförande och känner mig äntligen rätt bekväm med det.
- Den här veckan flyttade min bror söderut igen.
- Om mindre än två månader är det NaNoWriMo och i år tänker jag för fan delta.
Lite allt möjligt i huvudet just nu, med andra ord.
onsdag, augusti 22, 2012
BSG
Igår såg jag och C klart Battlestar Galactica.
Han har sett den tidigare och jag har velat se den jättelänge. Så vi plöjde igenom alla fyra säsonger, och jag tror inte jag engagerat mig så mycket i en tv-serie på väldigt, väldigt länge. Det känns lite tomt att det inte finns mer att se, och jag kommer ta min tid att smälta det hela (även om jag redan bestämt att vi ska börja se på Firefly nästa vecka...).
Egentligen är BSG en sådan där serie som förtjänar minst ett långt utförligt inlägg om vad som gör den så fruktansvärt bra, men det får bli en annan gång och kanske någon annanstans.
Han har sett den tidigare och jag har velat se den jättelänge. Så vi plöjde igenom alla fyra säsonger, och jag tror inte jag engagerat mig så mycket i en tv-serie på väldigt, väldigt länge. Det känns lite tomt att det inte finns mer att se, och jag kommer ta min tid att smälta det hela (även om jag redan bestämt att vi ska börja se på Firefly nästa vecka...).
Egentligen är BSG en sådan där serie som förtjänar minst ett långt utförligt inlägg om vad som gör den så fruktansvärt bra, men det får bli en annan gång och kanske någon annanstans.
tisdag, augusti 07, 2012
Text
Nu var det ett bra tag sedan jag skrev sist, och främsta anledningen är att jag har jobbat mycket i sommar och verkligen inte orkat bry mig om att uppdatera här i bloggen.
Förhoppningsvist känner jag annorlunda till hösten, för jag tycker ju fortfarande om att skriva.
Av just den anledningen uppskattar jag verkligen fina bloggen Tystnads nya drapasatsning: varje månad uppmanas man att skicka in en drapa, eller länka sin drapa till bloggen. Det har bara pågått i två månader hittills, med nytt tema i juli och augusti.
En drapa är alltså en kortnovell på exakt 100ord exklusive titel och jag tycker tanken är väldigt bra, då formen är både kreativ och lagomt krävande. För mig är problemet ofta att fatta mig kort, så här lär jag mig skala bort det överflödiga.
Augustis tema är text, och mitt bidrag är följande:
Förhoppningsvist känner jag annorlunda till hösten, för jag tycker ju fortfarande om att skriva.
Av just den anledningen uppskattar jag verkligen fina bloggen Tystnads nya drapasatsning: varje månad uppmanas man att skicka in en drapa, eller länka sin drapa till bloggen. Det har bara pågått i två månader hittills, med nytt tema i juli och augusti.
En drapa är alltså en kortnovell på exakt 100ord exklusive titel och jag tycker tanken är väldigt bra, då formen är både kreativ och lagomt krävande. För mig är problemet ofta att fatta mig kort, så här lär jag mig skala bort det överflödiga.
Augustis tema är text, och mitt bidrag är följande:
Avtryck
Saga är besatt av tanken på levande ord.
Hon tar oregelbundet fram böcker ur hyllorna och bläddrar i dem för att ”lufta deras åsikter”, och har ofta högläsningskvällar trots att vännerna främst dyker upp för att dricka vin och se på youtubeklipp.
När han minst förväntar sig det ber hon dessutom Lee sitta stilla medan hon skriver på honom med bläck eller färg och ser fascinerat på när musklerna rör sig under bokstäverna. Sen har de sex och förstör hennes lakan medan orden lämnar skuggor över hela hennes kropp.
Hon gråter undantagslöst i duschen när allt sköljs av henne efteråt.
fredag, juni 22, 2012
Tehörnan
Tehörnan i Uppsala öppnade sin andra butik i veckan.För oss mer långtida och registrerade kunder, skickades det ut inbjudningar till en kundkväll med te/kaffe/chokladprovningar samt 20% rabatt på hela sortimentet. Då jag är nyfiken av mig och höll på att få slut på Cheesecake-te svängde jag förbi med en kompis i en timma och handlade lite.
Det är en väldigt mysig butik. Stora fönster gör att det släpps in mycket mer ljus än i huvudbutiken (iaf under sommarhalvåret), och det är såklart nymålat och uppfixat, men utan att tappa känslan som är typisk för tehörnan, med sina rödbrunbetsade hyllor och långa kassabord. Dock väldigt underligt att de inte gjort plats för några teburkar alls, och lämnat dessa i andra butiken.
Istéet smakade för mycket persika för min del (det var smaksatt persika-citron, men jag hade föredragit lite mer citrus), sommarsage-téet var fruktigt men milt och kaffet minns jag tyvärr inte, men det kanske är ett betyg i sig, vad vet jag. Chokladpralinerna var av blandade resultat, jag tyckte nog mest om chokladöverdragen kolatryffel. Annars var päronkolorna intressanta.
Jag köpte 200g te, och kom därifrån med en tung goodie bag värd säker fem gånger mer än jag handlade för, så jag sammanfattar det hela med en mycket lyckad förhandsvisning och eftermiddag.
fredag, juni 01, 2012
Abuela
Was invited to join a a friend and his friends for some clubbing tonight. Haven't been out dancing since Valborg, and though I didn't feel in the mood, and had blistered feet, I thought I'd give it a go, and at least join the pre-party.
So I dressed up, in case I felt inclined to stay out all night, and made it out of the apartment not much later than expected.
It was nice, I had two glasses of wine, met some new people, had some laughs. When we got to the club though, I still didn't really feel like partying, and I already felt tired and knew I need to save money. My saving came in the guise of a ridiculously long line. After 10 minutes me and my friend gave up, left the others and went for a coffee instead. 40 minutes later he re-joined the party, and I decided to head home. It struck me then, that I was having an old lady-week.
Some weeks, I just feel so much older than I am. I only want to sit home and read, and have tea and biscuits (this of course, I do pretty often). The clincher is, during these weeks, I prefer being alone, I always get nostalgic for music from my teens, and ideally, I watch British murder mysteries (oh M, I miss our Tea & Murder - weekends) and bake cakes. Sometimes I even do some knitting.
And it feels like an odd but welcome break from just a month ago, when I partied everyday for a week with more energy than I mustered up for partying ever, despite what age I've been, and felt like a wreckless teenager. It just feels like this exhausted compensatory week should have reared it's demanding head earlier. But no, it's been a month of combined job-hunts and part-time work, lots of new responsibilities, trying to get good exercise in while failing to get enough sleep... but all in all, it's felt like it usually does.
And then suddenly, this week I've wanted nothing more than to be in bed before midnight, I've taken up knitting my friends scarf, I walk around the house wearing this big fleece sweater though I otherwise prefer not being too warm, and after a couple of days of mostly listening to Lady GaGa, I had this sudden urge for Nickelback and Creed today (hel-lo 16 year old me...).
All the signs point towards me going into old lady-mode (basically it's like the catnap version of hibernation, or just a quick battery recharge) , so I am gonna comply. Therefor, if you are looking for me but can't get hold of me, I will probably be knitting away at home and re-organizing my bookshelves this week, out of touch with reality.
So I dressed up, in case I felt inclined to stay out all night, and made it out of the apartment not much later than expected.
It was nice, I had two glasses of wine, met some new people, had some laughs. When we got to the club though, I still didn't really feel like partying, and I already felt tired and knew I need to save money. My saving came in the guise of a ridiculously long line. After 10 minutes me and my friend gave up, left the others and went for a coffee instead. 40 minutes later he re-joined the party, and I decided to head home. It struck me then, that I was having an old lady-week.
Some weeks, I just feel so much older than I am. I only want to sit home and read, and have tea and biscuits (this of course, I do pretty often). The clincher is, during these weeks, I prefer being alone, I always get nostalgic for music from my teens, and ideally, I watch British murder mysteries (oh M, I miss our Tea & Murder - weekends) and bake cakes. Sometimes I even do some knitting.
And it feels like an odd but welcome break from just a month ago, when I partied everyday for a week with more energy than I mustered up for partying ever, despite what age I've been, and felt like a wreckless teenager. It just feels like this exhausted compensatory week should have reared it's demanding head earlier. But no, it's been a month of combined job-hunts and part-time work, lots of new responsibilities, trying to get good exercise in while failing to get enough sleep... but all in all, it's felt like it usually does.
And then suddenly, this week I've wanted nothing more than to be in bed before midnight, I've taken up knitting my friends scarf, I walk around the house wearing this big fleece sweater though I otherwise prefer not being too warm, and after a couple of days of mostly listening to Lady GaGa, I had this sudden urge for Nickelback and Creed today (hel-lo 16 year old me...).
All the signs point towards me going into old lady-mode (basically it's like the catnap version of hibernation, or just a quick battery recharge) , so I am gonna comply. Therefor, if you are looking for me but can't get hold of me, I will probably be knitting away at home and re-organizing my bookshelves this week, out of touch with reality.
lördag, maj 26, 2012
Summer After All
It's so warm and sunny I can feel it resonate through me and linger on my skin for hours after being outdoors, and it makes me lightheaded with happiness.
tisdag, april 17, 2012
Produktiva dagar
Har fått ovanligt mycket gjort igår och idag, och det känns bra.
Varit på universitetets kognitionslabb och deltagit i ett experiment, träffat A för lunch och plockat upp massa papper hon skrivit ut åt mig, lämnat av böcker, vinkat av Silvi som skulle till Litauen, sett senaste avsnittet av GoT, diskat hela helgens disk, promenerat, sett film hos C, skrivit massa mail, dammsugit, städat, deklarerat, bokat tvättid, gått ut med sopor och återvinning, läst manga som ska recenseras, sökt ett par jobb, bloggat och börjat sortera igenom senaste tidens fotografier.
I eftermiddag ska jag dessutom gå på brf-styrelsemöte, dricka te med en vän som glömde sina vantar här i helgen, söka fler jobb, översätta en del papper åt en bekant, samt se på film som ska recenseras.
Imorgon har jag ännu ett experiment på kognitionslabbet, sen ska jag reklamera skor, träffa Ted, läsa på bokcirkelsboken, plugga, gå på gymmet och se på Bones med A.
Åh solen, kan du inte bara stanna kvar och tina upp allt och göra dagarna ljusare, så jag kan vara såhär aktiv och produktiv nästan varje dag? Är det för mycket begärt?
Varit på universitetets kognitionslabb och deltagit i ett experiment, träffat A för lunch och plockat upp massa papper hon skrivit ut åt mig, lämnat av böcker, vinkat av Silvi som skulle till Litauen, sett senaste avsnittet av GoT, diskat hela helgens disk, promenerat, sett film hos C, skrivit massa mail, dammsugit, städat, deklarerat, bokat tvättid, gått ut med sopor och återvinning, läst manga som ska recenseras, sökt ett par jobb, bloggat och börjat sortera igenom senaste tidens fotografier.
I eftermiddag ska jag dessutom gå på brf-styrelsemöte, dricka te med en vän som glömde sina vantar här i helgen, söka fler jobb, översätta en del papper åt en bekant, samt se på film som ska recenseras.
Imorgon har jag ännu ett experiment på kognitionslabbet, sen ska jag reklamera skor, träffa Ted, läsa på bokcirkelsboken, plugga, gå på gymmet och se på Bones med A.
Åh solen, kan du inte bara stanna kvar och tina upp allt och göra dagarna ljusare, så jag kan vara såhär aktiv och produktiv nästan varje dag? Är det för mycket begärt?
fredag, april 13, 2012
Recommended this Week: GoT
Though a pretty dedicated reader of fantasy literature, I've been post-poning the reading of George R.R. Martin's popular A Song of Ice and Fire for years.
Many of my friends recommended the series, and so when HBO decided to finally give the tv-adaptation a serious try, I had convinced myself to wait with watching it until I had at least read the first novel.
With that said, I did pretty well at first. But last week, in time for the second episode of the second season to be broadcasted, I threw in the towel. I was way too curious to wait. So me and my visiting sister gave it a try, and then basically devoured every episode there was to see in two days.
So if anyone else out there is stupidly waiting to watch this for simmilar reasons as I, I am telling you right now: You're being an idiot.
I am now obsessively waiting for the next episode, constantly humming the theme-music, and buying the Game of Thrones novel as soon as my next paycheck rolls in.
Many of my friends recommended the series, and so when HBO decided to finally give the tv-adaptation a serious try, I had convinced myself to wait with watching it until I had at least read the first novel.
With that said, I did pretty well at first. But last week, in time for the second episode of the second season to be broadcasted, I threw in the towel. I was way too curious to wait. So me and my visiting sister gave it a try, and then basically devoured every episode there was to see in two days.
So if anyone else out there is stupidly waiting to watch this for simmilar reasons as I, I am telling you right now: You're being an idiot.
I am now obsessively waiting for the next episode, constantly humming the theme-music, and buying the Game of Thrones novel as soon as my next paycheck rolls in.
lördag, mars 17, 2012
torsdag, mars 15, 2012
Sunshine, On My Window
Has gone through the last boxes and bags, and though some of it will be left unpacked for yet another month or two at least, I have a pretty good idea of were everything is and where I want it to be. Only lost items I can pinpoint at the moment, are:
A scarf and a jacket - but my sister tells me they are in Stockholm.
Sleepy Hollow DVD
Sunglasses
The last one is irksome. Not only was the case a really big and nice one from ZARA that a friend gave me, and the only case we found that fit my glasses in them, but also, I really liked my shades. I only had one pair, and it's been so sunny lately it's ridiculous. Will have to turn my parent's place up-side-down when I head over there.
A scarf and a jacket - but my sister tells me they are in Stockholm.
Sleepy Hollow DVD
Sunglasses
The last one is irksome. Not only was the case a really big and nice one from ZARA that a friend gave me, and the only case we found that fit my glasses in them, but also, I really liked my shades. I only had one pair, and it's been so sunny lately it's ridiculous. Will have to turn my parent's place up-side-down when I head over there.
onsdag, mars 14, 2012
Catching up to do
With the risk of sounding slightly uncorked, the past week has been really nice.
I don't know if it's the sunshine, my vitamin supplements kicking in, or just me pushing all the stress and anxiety I talked about last time into a far dark corner of the brain and then ignoring it, but the results have subsequently been just fine.
I talked to one of my dear Spanish sister last week, first time we caught up since my New Years visit. She's coming to see me soon, I am thrilled! And dear Amie will be staying with us all of April! I can't believe it's only weeks until every other one from the old crowd returns to town, the potential insanity of it all is mind-bottling (check the reference).
I got tattooed -finally! It went very smoothly, though I have a second session by the end of the month to get some detail work done. I adore it, and will most probably write about it on some other occasion.
Had a long talk with my little brother, and he's visiting us southerners soon in time for Norouz. If he stays longer I might meet him again in April too, which would be awesomeness.
I got some serious studying done, and am finally following a good schedule (and having the energy for it) when it comes to the thesis. The plan is to write about a 1,5 a day, and read all the literature that needs to be read. It doesn't sound too bad, but according to my advisor, that should make up for about 10hours of studies/day for the next month, o joy.
Anyways, I wrote some reviews, cleaned, and got up in the mornings without feeling painfully exhausted.
Also. have come to realize that "this dating-thing" I've been doing, stopped being just that quite some time ago, and has evolved into what I now instead refer to as "this relationship-thing", which is quite nice ;)
My sister came to visit for the weekend, and as always it makes me glad. We visited some of my friends, saw The Artist (which I really enjoyed btw, it was charming and fun and not too long, and for a silent movie quite cleverly incorporated sound just when things were on the verge of getting a bit too repeated), talked. It was a short visit, but I'm glad we had the time for it.
Then on Monday, M. came to visit. She had some meetings in town yesterday, so she showed up the night before to give us the chance of catching up for the first time in many many months, and watch British murder mysteries the way we used to. It ended up with more catching up, talking friends, work and her wedding, and less Foyle's and Miss Marple, but it was lovely. And in the morning, I got up at the same time as her, made us banana pancakes, and the rest of the day I was on a roll.
Since yesterday morning I've cleaned and vacuumed the flat, repeatedly done dishes, studied, met a friend for coffee, watched movies with M (and A who managed to make a short visit to join us for dinner last night), met my thesis advisor, applied for a job, sent all the emails I was going to send this week, spent hours transcribing and translating a Danish interview to English, gone for a long walk, basked in the glorious sun, and just felt very very good about things.
If I had the energy to even do what I've done for the past 2 days in twice the time, every week would go much more smoothly. Perhaps the sunlight will really help. I hope so. Yesterday I went to Uni in a sweater, jeans and my leather jacket. Music in my ears, red lipstick, no scarf and all smiles. I wish more days would be like that this spring.
And perhaps they will. It's been warm enough for me to turn of the heating in the flat, though it is only March so there might as well be snowstorms in two weeks to noones surprise. But things might turn out nice, and this energy boost might stays a while. I do have much ahead of me.
April will be quite the month.
I don't know if it's the sunshine, my vitamin supplements kicking in, or just me pushing all the stress and anxiety I talked about last time into a far dark corner of the brain and then ignoring it, but the results have subsequently been just fine.
I talked to one of my dear Spanish sister last week, first time we caught up since my New Years visit. She's coming to see me soon, I am thrilled! And dear Amie will be staying with us all of April! I can't believe it's only weeks until every other one from the old crowd returns to town, the potential insanity of it all is mind-bottling (check the reference).
I got tattooed -finally! It went very smoothly, though I have a second session by the end of the month to get some detail work done. I adore it, and will most probably write about it on some other occasion.
Had a long talk with my little brother, and he's visiting us southerners soon in time for Norouz. If he stays longer I might meet him again in April too, which would be awesomeness.
I got some serious studying done, and am finally following a good schedule (and having the energy for it) when it comes to the thesis. The plan is to write about a 1,5 a day, and read all the literature that needs to be read. It doesn't sound too bad, but according to my advisor, that should make up for about 10hours of studies/day for the next month, o joy.
Anyways, I wrote some reviews, cleaned, and got up in the mornings without feeling painfully exhausted.
Also. have come to realize that "this dating-thing" I've been doing, stopped being just that quite some time ago, and has evolved into what I now instead refer to as "this relationship-thing", which is quite nice ;)
My sister came to visit for the weekend, and as always it makes me glad. We visited some of my friends, saw The Artist (which I really enjoyed btw, it was charming and fun and not too long, and for a silent movie quite cleverly incorporated sound just when things were on the verge of getting a bit too repeated), talked. It was a short visit, but I'm glad we had the time for it.
Then on Monday, M. came to visit. She had some meetings in town yesterday, so she showed up the night before to give us the chance of catching up for the first time in many many months, and watch British murder mysteries the way we used to. It ended up with more catching up, talking friends, work and her wedding, and less Foyle's and Miss Marple, but it was lovely. And in the morning, I got up at the same time as her, made us banana pancakes, and the rest of the day I was on a roll.
Since yesterday morning I've cleaned and vacuumed the flat, repeatedly done dishes, studied, met a friend for coffee, watched movies with M (and A who managed to make a short visit to join us for dinner last night), met my thesis advisor, applied for a job, sent all the emails I was going to send this week, spent hours transcribing and translating a Danish interview to English, gone for a long walk, basked in the glorious sun, and just felt very very good about things.
If I had the energy to even do what I've done for the past 2 days in twice the time, every week would go much more smoothly. Perhaps the sunlight will really help. I hope so. Yesterday I went to Uni in a sweater, jeans and my leather jacket. Music in my ears, red lipstick, no scarf and all smiles. I wish more days would be like that this spring.
And perhaps they will. It's been warm enough for me to turn of the heating in the flat, though it is only March so there might as well be snowstorms in two weeks to noones surprise. But things might turn out nice, and this energy boost might stays a while. I do have much ahead of me.
April will be quite the month.
fredag, mars 02, 2012
Melting & Dissolving
Though I wrote just two days ago that I'm gonna start looking forward to things more and plan my days better, I am worried about this lethargic state I'm in.
I think it could be the massive carb overload lately and the lack of gym sessions, but also the lack of minerals and vitamins (hence the supplements).
Also lately, I'm not sleeping that well. It's been months since I went through a whole night without waking, though some nights I go back to sleep almost immediately. Other times it's a lot of tossing and turning. The past weeks it's been more of the second, and most days of the week I don't fall asleep until really late/very early, or dream about these insipid things, like people I used to know showing up for no apparent reason and without really interacting with me, or me going somewhere and never getting there, or me just waiting. They're not nightmares, but neither are they good dreams, cause they consistantly leave this sense of restlessness after I awake that gets me stressed out or exhausted.
This week was OK all in all. I met friends, I got work done, I studied and watched movies. And today, things started so good. I spent time with people I care about, I ran errands, studied, took a walk in the sun, had coffee. I called my sister and said I hoped she had a great time at the concert tonight. I called my dad and congratulated him on his birthday.
Yet, on the way to the gym, this sudden feeling a void just struck me, and I felt like someone had punctured a hole into me. By the time I was on the mat doing the pilates-exercises, my hands were all numb and I felt like I was reacting to the instructers voice coming from another room. For a while I kept looking at my hands, feeling like they weren't mine. It was this strange sense off dissolving, like I couldn't even pinpoint where I was. And I felt so tired. Just from the street outside the gym I felt so suddely exhausted I wanted to cry, and afterwards I couldn't wait to get home.
So now I'm here, I've had dinner, and I don't know where the last 3 hours went. I can't think of anything I've done. And I'm so tired still. Why am I like this?
I think it could be the massive carb overload lately and the lack of gym sessions, but also the lack of minerals and vitamins (hence the supplements).
Also lately, I'm not sleeping that well. It's been months since I went through a whole night without waking, though some nights I go back to sleep almost immediately. Other times it's a lot of tossing and turning. The past weeks it's been more of the second, and most days of the week I don't fall asleep until really late/very early, or dream about these insipid things, like people I used to know showing up for no apparent reason and without really interacting with me, or me going somewhere and never getting there, or me just waiting. They're not nightmares, but neither are they good dreams, cause they consistantly leave this sense of restlessness after I awake that gets me stressed out or exhausted.
This week was OK all in all. I met friends, I got work done, I studied and watched movies. And today, things started so good. I spent time with people I care about, I ran errands, studied, took a walk in the sun, had coffee. I called my sister and said I hoped she had a great time at the concert tonight. I called my dad and congratulated him on his birthday.
Yet, on the way to the gym, this sudden feeling a void just struck me, and I felt like someone had punctured a hole into me. By the time I was on the mat doing the pilates-exercises, my hands were all numb and I felt like I was reacting to the instructers voice coming from another room. For a while I kept looking at my hands, feeling like they weren't mine. It was this strange sense off dissolving, like I couldn't even pinpoint where I was. And I felt so tired. Just from the street outside the gym I felt so suddely exhausted I wanted to cry, and afterwards I couldn't wait to get home.
So now I'm here, I've had dinner, and I don't know where the last 3 hours went. I can't think of anything I've done. And I'm so tired still. Why am I like this?
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