torsdag, mars 15, 2012

Sunshine, On My Window

Has gone through the last boxes and bags, and though some of it will be left unpacked for yet another month or two at least, I have a pretty good idea of were everything is and where I want it to be. Only lost items I can pinpoint at the moment, are:

A scarf and a jacket - but my sister tells me they are in Stockholm.
Sleepy Hollow DVD

The last one is irksome. Not only was the case a really big and nice one from ZARA that a friend gave me, and the only case we found that fit my glasses in them, but also, I really liked my shades. I only had one pair, and it's been so sunny lately it's ridiculous. Will have to turn my parent's place up-side-down when I head over there.

onsdag, mars 14, 2012

Catching up to do

With the risk of sounding slightly uncorked, the past week has been really nice.
I don't know if it's the sunshine, my vitamin supplements kicking in, or just me pushing all the stress and anxiety I talked about last time into a far dark corner of the brain and then ignoring it, but the results have subsequently been just fine.

I talked to one of my dear Spanish sister last week, first time we caught up since my New Years visit. She's coming to see me soon, I am thrilled! And dear Amie will be staying with us all of April! I can't believe it's only weeks until every other one from the old crowd returns to town, the potential insanity of it all is mind-bottling (check the reference).

I got tattooed -finally!
It went very smoothly, though I have a second session by the end of the month to get some detail work done. I adore it, and will most probably write about it on some other occasion.

Had a long talk with my little brother, and he's visiting us southerners soon in time for Norouz. If he stays longer I might meet him again in April too, which would be awesomeness.

I got some serious studying done, and am finally following a good schedule (and having the energy for it) when it comes to the thesis. The plan is to write about a 1,5 a day, and read all the literature that needs to be read. It doesn't sound too bad, but according to my advisor, that should make up for about 10hours of studies/day for the next month, o joy.
Anyways, I wrote some reviews, cleaned, and got up in the mornings without feeling painfully exhausted.

Also. have come to realize that "this dating-thing" I've been doing, stopped being just that quite some time ago, and has evolved into what I now instead refer to as "this relationship-thing", which is quite nice ;)

My sister came to visit for the weekend, and as always it makes me glad. We visited some of my friends, saw The Artist (which I really enjoyed btw, it was charming and fun and not too long, and for a silent movie quite cleverly incorporated sound just when things were on the verge of getting a bit too repeated), talked. It was a short visit, but I'm glad we had the time for it.

Then on Monday, M. came to visit. She had some meetings in town yesterday, so she showed up the night before to give us the chance of catching up for the first time in many many months, and watch British murder mysteries the way we used to. It ended up with more catching up, talking friends, work and her wedding, and less Foyle's and Miss Marple, but it was lovely. And in the morning, I got up at the same time as her, made us banana pancakes, and the rest of the day I was on a roll.

Since yesterday morning I've cleaned and vacuumed the flat, repeatedly done dishes, studied, met a friend for coffee, watched movies with M (and A who managed to make a short visit to join us for dinner last night), met my thesis advisor, applied for a job, sent all the emails I was going to send this week, spent hours transcribing and translating a Danish interview to English, gone for a long walk, basked in the glorious sun, and just felt very very good about things.
If I had the energy to even do what I've done for the past 2 days in twice the time, every week would go much more smoothly. Perhaps the sunlight will really help. I hope so. Yesterday I went to Uni in a sweater, jeans and my leather jacket. Music in my ears, red lipstick, no scarf and all smiles. I wish more days would be like that this spring.
And perhaps they will. It's been warm enough for me to turn of the heating in the flat, though it is only March so there might as well be snowstorms in two weeks to noones surprise. But things might turn out nice, and this energy boost might stays a while. I do have much ahead of me.
April will be quite the month.

fredag, mars 02, 2012

Melting & Dissolving

Though I wrote just two days ago that I'm gonna start looking forward to things more and plan my days better, I am worried about this lethargic state I'm in.
I think it could be the massive carb overload lately and the lack of gym sessions, but also the lack of minerals and vitamins (hence the supplements).

Also lately, I'm not sleeping that well. It's been months since I went through a whole night without waking, though some nights I go back to sleep almost immediately. Other times it's a lot of tossing and turning. The past weeks it's been more of the second, and most days of the week I don't fall asleep until really late/very early, or dream about these insipid things, like people I used to know showing up for no apparent reason and without really interacting with me, or me going somewhere and never getting there, or me just waiting. They're not nightmares, but neither are they good dreams, cause they consistantly leave this sense of restlessness after I awake that gets me stressed out or exhausted.

This week was OK all in all. I met friends, I got work done, I studied and watched movies. And today, things started so good. I spent time with people I care about, I ran errands, studied, took a walk in the sun, had coffee. I called my sister and said I hoped she had a great time at the concert tonight. I called my dad and congratulated him on his birthday.
Yet, on the way to the gym, this sudden feeling a void just struck me, and I felt like someone had punctured a hole into me. By the time I was on the mat doing the pilates-exercises, my hands were all numb and I felt like I was reacting to the instructers voice coming from another room. For a while I kept looking at my hands, feeling like they weren't mine. It was this strange sense off dissolving, like I couldn't even pinpoint where I was. And I felt so tired. Just from the street outside the gym I felt so suddely exhausted I wanted to cry, and afterwards I couldn't wait to get home.

So now I'm here, I've had dinner, and I don't know where the last 3 hours went. I can't think of anything I've done. And I'm so tired still. Why am I like this?