It's just the freakin' irony of it all...

And in the blurry haze that is my life, I will find that one thing that is solid, that one thing that will keep my pieces together so that I don't shatter like crystal across the marble floor of reality. I am still searching...

I've been meaning to write something, anything, for a while now. It just didn't happen. A lot of things just never happen when it comes to me. Pathetic. But nothing extraordinary happened, so really, what should I write about? Then again, extraordinary things usually don't include me. I've been going to work, to Uni, I haven't studied nearly enough and my cold is just getting worse (at the time being, my coughing wakes people in the middle of the night).
I need to get me some more sleep. And I need to study more, because my homework is giving me angst like painful intakes of cold night air. Something I've been breathing too much of, or too little of, lately - depending on how you see it. If you have a bad cold, you should probably stay at home, and keep out of the cold. But it can't be helped, I like being out a night.

Unfortunatly, the night I really wanted to be outside last week, was Wednesday night 8th of march - International day of Women. I wanted to be outside and and join the protest march, I wanted to walk with my friends in the "Reclaiming the night" - demonstration.
Yes, I believe we need a day for women. I'm glad we have it, because at least once a year it might open the eyes of society to the truth. Even in a country like Sweden, where it's supposed to be so great, women are afraid to go out alone. Not just at nighttime, even in daytime! Rape, rape, women abuse, rape. That's all I ever get to read about these days. Throw in some child abuse and sexual harassment just to make it a completed circle of Hell.

What I don't like is the fact that the situation today, in the year of 2006, is so horrid that we actually need a special day for women. But it is. It's awful. To the point where my mum is afraid I'm lying dead in a ditch when I'm 45 minutes late and don't have a phone with me so I can call her and tell her I'm OK. That's mothers for you.
But still, it was 11 p.m. and dark and freezing outside and I was walking home alone, and I had had a couple of glasses of wine after work and.... you get the picture. Girl alone in the dark with alcohol in her is the perfect victim. I know it. You know it. Everybody knows it. Why the fuck is it that I have to act like I agree with it?! I don't have to sit at home and let myself rot, but if I stay out the chances are my life is ruined. And if something happens, no one will care. No one fights on my side. The law gives me an accusing look and then the cold shoulder.

"Young girl didn't say NO". (Probably because she was choked to the point where she had passed out).
"Young girl was wearing provocative clothes" (Maybe a skirt. Maybe just 5 layers of black. No one seems to care that you have the right to wear whatever you want).
"Young girl didn't resist" (She was attacked by five men).
Why don't you take her side? "She was out alone at dark. She had it coming."

And people make fun of my suspicious nature and call me paranoid. Fuck off. I call it reality, you're all welcome to join and try to make a difference.
This is what I think. This is what I say. This is why I wanted to parade through the street at night and reclaim womens right to be there. It's very symbolic. And a week later, it would be forgotten. But not by the ones who were there. And I wasn't.
That's the sour truth. I was at work all day, and at work all of the next day, and I was to tired and ill to be out walking at night. Instead I spent all my day cooking, cleaning, pouring people coffee and chopping vegetables at the Café like some friggin' 1950's housewife from Suburbia. I want to bury my face in my hands in pure shame, really. The irony of it all is just killing me. But I promised myself, promised, that I would join in next year. Even if I have to work the next day. Even if I'm so ill they have to drag me by the hand, I don't care. I have to.

The time comes when you have to stop compromising about what you think is important. This is important. Not only to me, it should be important to everyone. Your friends, sisters, girlfriends, daughters, mothers... we're all the same. In theory, we all have the same rights. But it's time we crave those rights count just as well on the streets. We're not just reclaiming the night. We're reclaiming our lives. Now.