Jag älskar min lägenhet. Jag trivs så bra här och känner mig hemma.
Den här veckan blir det sex månader sedan jag fick nycklarna hit, och jag har knappt bott här halva den tiden, men allt känns rätt.
Det mesta är klart nu, fastän jag själv ser det som är kvar.
Gardiner ska upp, två golvlister som ska i, lite som ska målas, lite som ska putsas. Men det är mest möbler som saknas. Jag behöver fler bokhyllor, kanske en TV. En säng så jag slutar sova i bäddsoffan (fastän den är fantastisk, men om jag får gäster som övernattar blir det knepigt), ett soffbord och en skohylla. Det är fortfarande böcker överallt där de inte ska vara det, kläder överallt nu för jag har packat upp och tvättat det sista som varit undanlagt, och flera smålådor i sovrummet som jag inte packat upp ännu. Men det känns ändå klart. Det är fint, och rent, och det mesta är ordnat. Jag lagar mat och diskar och pluggar och lever här. Jag mår bra här och hoppas att det fortsätter så.
Till och med mina grannar är snälla. Ordförande i föreningen lånar mig nycklar från sin egen lägenhet när jag behöver det, den något äldre herren i lägenheten bredvid tillbringade en halvtimma idag med att hjälpa mig lära mig hur man hanterar den antika jättemangeln i tvättstugan och stannade tills jag manglat klart allt.
Det är långsamma, fullplanerade dagar som går och flyter ihop, men det är ändå OK. Jag är trött och har börjat ta järntillskott igen, och skolan känns så tung. Det är så mycket kvar av uppsatsarbetet, och travarna med böcker känns nästan hotfulla vissa dagar. Jag vet inte hur jag ska dela upp allt ännu, men det måste ordnas, helst igår om det gick.
Jag borde försöka hitta ett jobb också, men vet inte riktigt hur jag ska få tiden att räcka till. Kanske när jag blir lite piggare? Tills vidare känns det som en oerhört trygg och stabil punkt att jag trivs här. Och så ska jag skriva mer recensioner, annars går det inte runt.
Har tillbringat de senaste dagarna med att jobba, plocka och fixa i lägenheten och dra runt lite som i dimma. Såg Iron Lady på bio med A. och träffade lite folk igår, men känner mig inte helt vaken ännu. Lyssnat på No Doubt och soundtracket till Cowboy Bebob, och allt kändes liksom lite vagt.
Och sen plötsligt i eftermiddags; lägenheten badar i solsken, som om det vackraste med våren var precis bakom fönsterglaset, och jag känner att saker kommer lösa sig fint. Om inte imorgon så åtminstone snart, och det är tillräckligt.
Jag ska släppa allt och bli bara förväntningar.
onsdag, februari 29, 2012
torsdag, februari 23, 2012
Fire Walk With Me
Me and C. finished watching Twin Peaks last night.
He's already seen the entire series at least once, but I hadn't, despite the good efforts of more than one friend.
It starts out great, turns pretty twisted, unravels into complete chaos, and ends as a total mindfuck. I barely know how to process it.
I have a friend who calls me Audrey. I've never felt so beautiful.
He's already seen the entire series at least once, but I hadn't, despite the good efforts of more than one friend.
It starts out great, turns pretty twisted, unravels into complete chaos, and ends as a total mindfuck. I barely know how to process it.
I have a friend who calls me Audrey. I've never felt so beautiful.
tisdag, januari 17, 2012
Up Against the Walls
I love books. I love reading them, buying them, giving them away as gifts, looking at them, and the smell of them. I like the weight of paper when I turn pages, and the dryness of its feel, and the memories they hold. It's probably not an uncommon thing, and also most probably not completely healthy. None of the finer things in life ever seem to be.
As a young girl, I concidered myself a pretty avid reader, though unfortunately I don't think so anymore (mostly cause I keep running out of time in porportion to what I want to read). For years I even listed the titles and authors of all the books I read, registering them for almost ten years on this old computer we had back home. During my high school-days it crashed, taking my only copy of that list with it and in all honesty - leaving a bit of a void in me. I never registered books again, perhaps the bitterness of it wouldn't let me.
Back when I started the list, I was a regular at the public libraries. I never had that much money, so for years and to my mothers amusement yet slight annoyance, I would only buy books I had already read and knew I really liked, cause I only wanted to spend the money on something I would appreciate. I didn't start buying books in larger quantities up until after high school, so I've never considered myself having that many books. Still, apart from traveling and food, it would be the thing I spend the most money on.
Now that I fi
nally moved into my own, proper apartment, I have to admit that what I've been the most excited about is that I get to have all my books in one place. It hasn't been the case since I moved out of my parents house in March 2009, and I've gotten a whole lot more books since then (I think my book collection expanded with 40-50 new titles during the Fall's 12-week internship alone, and that is despite the fact that I, to my great chagrin, was too broke to buy a single book during the Gothenburg Book Fair in September).
Books make me happy, and so I surround myself with them as much as I can. As a kid, I got chewed out by my teachers for bringing my own novels to class and reading them during hours instead of listening to the lessons. And one of my biggest dreams was to one day own the library that belongs to the Beast in Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, I was that kind of a nerdy kid - all dreams.
Of course that particular one never came true (and never will), but I tried to compensate for it by having my new bedroom wallpapered with what looks like rows and rows of old books. One does one's best I suppose.
The thing is, as I mentioned, I never considered myself having that many books. But now that I'm unpacking, the books seem never-ending. I've been thinking of registering all of them on Librarythings, but it seems like such a time-consuming ordeal that I'm doubting I'll ever get around to it.
At the moment though, my biggest concern is where to fit all the books. I have a big bookcase that I've moved here from mom and dads house, and dad put up some shelves yesterday as well. But I have the nagging feeling that unless I organize this incredibly well, they won't be nearly enough.
Around midnight tonight I did the mistake of unpacking more boxes since I wasn't sleepy. Now, almost four hours later, my entire couch (where I sleep these days until I purchase a new bed) is full of books, there's nowhere to put them and I am falling asleep as I am writing. I'm suspecting I'll have to move them all to one side of the sofa and just sleep on the other, which doesn't really worry me. What does on the other hand give me some concern, is that I've run out of everything remotely simillar to shelving-space, and still haven't even found the Sandman-volumes I set out to find about three hours ago.
As a young girl, I concidered myself a pretty avid reader, though unfortunately I don't think so anymore (mostly cause I keep running out of time in porportion to what I want to read). For years I even listed the titles and authors of all the books I read, registering them for almost ten years on this old computer we had back home. During my high school-days it crashed, taking my only copy of that list with it and in all honesty - leaving a bit of a void in me. I never registered books again, perhaps the bitterness of it wouldn't let me.
Back when I started the list, I was a regular at the public libraries. I never had that much money, so for years and to my mothers amusement yet slight annoyance, I would only buy books I had already read and knew I really liked, cause I only wanted to spend the money on something I would appreciate. I didn't start buying books in larger quantities up until after high school, so I've never considered myself having that many books. Still, apart from traveling and food, it would be the thing I spend the most money on.
Now that I fi
nally moved into my own, proper apartment, I have to admit that what I've been the most excited about is that I get to have all my books in one place. It hasn't been the case since I moved out of my parents house in March 2009, and I've gotten a whole lot more books since then (I think my book collection expanded with 40-50 new titles during the Fall's 12-week internship alone, and that is despite the fact that I, to my great chagrin, was too broke to buy a single book during the Gothenburg Book Fair in September).Books make me happy, and so I surround myself with them as much as I can. As a kid, I got chewed out by my teachers for bringing my own novels to class and reading them during hours instead of listening to the lessons. And one of my biggest dreams was to one day own the library that belongs to the Beast in Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, I was that kind of a nerdy kid - all dreams.
Of course that particular one never came true (and never will), but I tried to compensate for it by having my new bedroom wallpapered with what looks like rows and rows of old books. One does one's best I suppose.
The thing is, as I mentioned, I never considered myself having that many books. But now that I'm unpacking, the books seem never-ending. I've been thinking of registering all of them on Librarythings, but it seems like such a time-consuming ordeal that I'm doubting I'll ever get around to it.
At the moment though, my biggest concern is where to fit all the books. I have a big bookcase that I've moved here from mom and dads house, and dad put up some shelves yesterday as well. But I have the nagging feeling that unless I organize this incredibly well, they won't be nearly enough.
Around midnight tonight I did the mistake of unpacking more boxes since I wasn't sleepy. Now, almost four hours later, my entire couch (where I sleep these days until I purchase a new bed) is full of books, there's nowhere to put them and I am falling asleep as I am writing. I'm suspecting I'll have to move them all to one side of the sofa and just sleep on the other, which doesn't really worry me. What does on the other hand give me some concern, is that I've run out of everything remotely simillar to shelving-space, and still haven't even found the Sandman-volumes I set out to find about three hours ago.
torsdag, december 29, 2011
lördag, december 24, 2011
Seasons Greetings
We were never bound by Christmas traditions in my family. The tree, the tinsel, the presents were brought in at an early stage though. My father could care less, my mother saw it as a break from the lasting dark of the season and we kids just saw the fun.
So we adopted Christmas and mangled all its roots: we ate ham from a month before the holidays and stopped somewhere around Easter. We had a plastic tree, which we would boldly bring out and decorate sometimes as soon as by first Advent. We seldome followed the traditional Christmas program "Julkalendern" on TV, and on Christmas Eve we missed "Donald Duck's Christmas" every other year and convinced our parents that opening presents in the morning instead of the evening was a-OK, even though we knew it was probably wrong. We ate a mix of Swedish and Persian cuisine, and sometimes spent the day with friends, or relatives, or just with family.
These days, I wrap all the family gifts, almost into some kind of ikebana-monstrosities. Mom wants the tree out earlier though we wait til last minute. Some years the presents are aplenty, some years my siblings and I cut a budget plan. It doesn't matter. It's always nice.
This year the tree needs to be replaced and is instead full of kitch-tinsel to fill it out. I want to see Donald and my brothers girl makes fun of me. It's relaxed, and nice, and all I want is some mulled wine and a cookie and to forget I have exams in two weeks.
I hope everyone else I know and care for has an equally lovely time. Take a breather, it's good for you.
Merry Christmas everyone!
So we adopted Christmas and mangled all its roots: we ate ham from a month before the holidays and stopped somewhere around Easter. We had a plastic tree, which we would boldly bring out and decorate sometimes as soon as by first Advent. We seldome followed the traditional Christmas program "Julkalendern" on TV, and on Christmas Eve we missed "Donald Duck's Christmas" every other year and convinced our parents that opening presents in the morning instead of the evening was a-OK, even though we knew it was probably wrong. We ate a mix of Swedish and Persian cuisine, and sometimes spent the day with friends, or relatives, or just with family.
These days, I wrap all the family gifts, almost into some kind of ikebana-monstrosities. Mom wants the tree out earlier though we wait til last minute. Some years the presents are aplenty, some years my siblings and I cut a budget plan. It doesn't matter. It's always nice.
This year the tree needs to be replaced and is instead full of kitch-tinsel to fill it out. I want to see Donald and my brothers girl makes fun of me. It's relaxed, and nice, and all I want is some mulled wine and a cookie and to forget I have exams in two weeks.
I hope everyone else I know and care for has an equally lovely time. Take a breather, it's good for you.
Merry Christmas everyone!
måndag, december 12, 2011
Are You Decent?
My sister came to visit me this weekend. We spent time watching Modern Family, talking, having coffee, meeting my friends and discussing the glamour of old movie actresses. Though we both have a love for old (sometimes black and white) comedies, we've usually stuck to 50's Hepburn stuff.
This weekend, it was more of a 40's theme, and we saw Gilda. Now honestly, there are no actresses looking like Rita Hayworth. I don't mean just her face, I mean the style, there's just this classic beauty radiating from her that you don't see in actresses today, despite some of them being gorgoeus.
It just seems odd to me, somehow. Because it's not that the western idea of beauty has changed that much in 70 years (not like for example slim being considered hot and healthy, while fat was all the rage 500 years ago). But it's something, unrelated to just hair and makeup and clothes, that make women todays faces really look more modern in contrast with the faces on screen back in the day. You can make them up in the same fashion and film them in black and white, and it would still show that it's fake, and that's considering that even actresses like Hayworth got some work done. The problem with looking fake today is that it's stopped being slight enhancments like corsets and a raised hairline, and now people put so much chemicals in themselves they look like they've frozen in time and space. Now this on the other hand, is amazing because it so damn alive:
This weekend, it was more of a 40's theme, and we saw Gilda. Now honestly, there are no actresses looking like Rita Hayworth. I don't mean just her face, I mean the style, there's just this classic beauty radiating from her that you don't see in actresses today, despite some of them being gorgoeus.
It just seems odd to me, somehow. Because it's not that the western idea of beauty has changed that much in 70 years (not like for example slim being considered hot and healthy, while fat was all the rage 500 years ago). But it's something, unrelated to just hair and makeup and clothes, that make women todays faces really look more modern in contrast with the faces on screen back in the day. You can make them up in the same fashion and film them in black and white, and it would still show that it's fake, and that's considering that even actresses like Hayworth got some work done. The problem with looking fake today is that it's stopped being slight enhancments like corsets and a raised hairline, and now people put so much chemicals in themselves they look like they've frozen in time and space. Now this on the other hand, is amazing because it so damn alive:
onsdag, december 07, 2011
Undercover
I joined my friends ambitious game-inspired photo project this year, and have already been enjoying myself immensly.
I've part-taken in two shoots since July. The first was on Alice: Madness Returns, that was released this very summer, where I model the deeply disturbed Alice.
The second was a 20's themed retro-mashup of Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, Alone in the Dark and Laura Bow and the Dagger of Amon Ra, where I play ditzy but ambitious southern gal Laura Bow.
As of today, I will also be blogging for the homepage from time to time. Find us at:
I w
rite and operate under the name C. Sanchez for reason undisclosed at the time being. My charming avatar was made by Meiko Revolver, who has in fact never met me.
I've part-taken in two shoots since July. The first was on Alice: Madness Returns, that was released this very summer, where I model the deeply disturbed Alice.
The second was a 20's themed retro-mashup of Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, Alone in the Dark and Laura Bow and the Dagger of Amon Ra, where I play ditzy but ambitious southern gal Laura Bow.
As of today, I will also be blogging for the homepage from time to time. Find us at:
I w
rite and operate under the name C. Sanchez for reason undisclosed at the time being. My charming avatar was made by Meiko Revolver, who has in fact never met me.onsdag, november 30, 2011
Advent Calendar
The Advent Calender is a big thing in Sweden. Famously known as Julkalendern, it's a national koncept that's been spreading into every aspect of Swedish life throughout the decades. You can buy a Julkalender of diffirent sorts. Some are filled with chocolate, and each day, from the 1st to the 24th of December you open a new hatch and get a piece of candy. Or behind the cardboard window there will be an image, or a rhyme. Some families make big calenders, where every day grants a small token or gift, building excitment (and further fueling capitalism...) all the way up to the big day. Stores are now offering simmilar gift-baskets.
There's even a yearly TV-show called Julkalendern. A new story devided in 24 episodes, broad casted throughout December, making it's way into most homes. Christmas is a very, very big deal in Sweden. It's a time of warmth and light during some of our darkest days.
As today is my last day at my wonderful publishing internship, I want to share with you a Christmas gift. An advent calender, at MIX - förlaget för crossover litteratur. Every day, there will be an update with pictures, stories or rhymes, given to us by our published authors and friends. Amongst others there will be Swedish authors Karin Tidbeck and Anna Kerubi, and on the international side of our publishing - Neil Gaiman, Miroslav Penkov and Angie Chau.
I'm looking forward to every day of the calender with a pang of anticipation the can only be what the essence of Christmas should ever be about.
There's even a yearly TV-show called Julkalendern. A new story devided in 24 episodes, broad casted throughout December, making it's way into most homes. Christmas is a very, very big deal in Sweden. It's a time of warmth and light during some of our darkest days.
As today is my last day at my wonderful publishing internship, I want to share with you a Christmas gift. An advent calender, at MIX - förlaget för crossover litteratur. Every day, there will be an update with pictures, stories or rhymes, given to us by our published authors and friends. Amongst others there will be Swedish authors Karin Tidbeck and Anna Kerubi, and on the international side of our publishing - Neil Gaiman, Miroslav Penkov and Angie Chau.
I'm looking forward to every day of the calender with a pang of anticipation the can only be what the essence of Christmas should ever be about.
tisdag, november 15, 2011
The Big Wind-Up
In conversation last night:
Me: It's stress. It's always stress.
Mom: But... are you really that bad off? You seem very calm.
Me: Well... someone has to be (laugh).
Mom: So you just keep staying stressed and ignore it?
Me: No. I keep busy, and I don't act out so much. It would probably be healthier if I acted out. I just.. prefer not to. And then implode.
Mom makes unhappy face.
Me: Don't worry. Sometimes when it's too much, I go off on my own and have a good cry and then sleep it off, and then go back to being busy.
Mom: Oh honey...
Me: To each his own mom, to each his own.
söndag, oktober 30, 2011
Kvällens tekopp: Kustfägring
Grönt te smaksatt med havtorn, jordgubb och yoghurt. Köpt på Kahls.
Omdöme: Milt, sött, doftar gott. Blir lätt beskt om det drar för länge eller om vattnet är för hett, så koka ej till 100grader.
fredag, oktober 28, 2011
Hazy Shades
There's a week left 'til my 26th birthday. It's been a very busy and hectic year, mostly in a good way, I think.
Autumn's been very stressful, and apart from the internship I'm also up to the neck in studies, which means I am basically doing two full-time scheduals and therefor studying at 200%. Because of some really messed up paper-work, I also get no financial aid until I can prove that I've taken credits these past months. I lack 2,5credits to be appointed student aid, and during november I will be finishing 30credits worth of course work. You'd think that should be enough, together with plenty of phonecalls and both e-mails and letters from my teacher, but my case is one of many amongst the masses of paper being shuffled between idiots, so at the moment I live off of my parents never-ending goodwill.
Being home, I do get to see my Stockholm friend's once in a while, but mostly for lunches during the weeks. I spend a lot of time with my sister as well, which I really appreciate. We have fun together, and we talk and watch tv-series a lot.
I do miss my Uppsala-life, and my friends, and having more of my own space. I also miss my old neighbours alot. This week especially, I've been going through pictures from the past two years and been ridiculously nostalgic. I blame the fact that they are far, but also the fact that this time of year makes me emotional and travel-sick. November always holds the promise of more grey and more cold than I would like to see, all in one place, inside and out.
Also, closing in on my birthday, it makes me all the more aware of the 25-list I had laid out for myself this year. I didn't even come close to finish it. But I did do alot of things I've wanted to do, and did manage to atleast begin on a lot of projects that I'll finish in a near future. I'm quite pleased by the results all the same. Now I'm thinking, should I make a new one for next year? Or throw myself into the very ambitious 101 things in 1001 days-project instead? I could always continue on the stages from my first that I left unfinished and go from there.
Autumn's been very stressful, and apart from the internship I'm also up to the neck in studies, which means I am basically doing two full-time scheduals and therefor studying at 200%. Because of some really messed up paper-work, I also get no financial aid until I can prove that I've taken credits these past months. I lack 2,5credits to be appointed student aid, and during november I will be finishing 30credits worth of course work. You'd think that should be enough, together with plenty of phonecalls and both e-mails and letters from my teacher, but my case is one of many amongst the masses of paper being shuffled between idiots, so at the moment I live off of my parents never-ending goodwill.
Being home, I do get to see my Stockholm friend's once in a while, but mostly for lunches during the weeks. I spend a lot of time with my sister as well, which I really appreciate. We have fun together, and we talk and watch tv-series a lot.
I do miss my Uppsala-life, and my friends, and having more of my own space. I also miss my old neighbours alot. This week especially, I've been going through pictures from the past two years and been ridiculously nostalgic. I blame the fact that they are far, but also the fact that this time of year makes me emotional and travel-sick. November always holds the promise of more grey and more cold than I would like to see, all in one place, inside and out.
Also, closing in on my birthday, it makes me all the more aware of the 25-list I had laid out for myself this year. I didn't even come close to finish it. But I did do alot of things I've wanted to do, and did manage to atleast begin on a lot of projects that I'll finish in a near future. I'm quite pleased by the results all the same. Now I'm thinking, should I make a new one for next year? Or throw myself into the very ambitious 101 things in 1001 days-project instead? I could always continue on the stages from my first that I left unfinished and go from there.
torsdag, oktober 20, 2011
Hello CIA
It's been a strange year when it comes to the war against terror.
The world is (still, and always will be) full of oppression that many agree on should not be ignored, but many are also the people who throw non-appreciative glances towards the US. and their foreign-policies.
The 10th year marker after 9/11 came and went, and it was odd for me to realize it had been so long since a happening that monumentally changed the world's view on people with my ethnical heritage, and gave nations the right to invade other countries far away, with no proof, no plan, and no other intention than "doing the right thing"; which was essentially bombing poor people, looking for political figures for years without finding them and then leaving whole countries in shambles in the Middle East after being accused of only going there for the oil in the first place.
Yet things have happened, and changed. Bin Laden was finally killed this year. I say finally, not because it was a good thing that a crazy oppressor was killed (because there was no trial and no real punishment for all he's done), but because he was a symbol of many a things evil, and an easy way to look at a very complicated problem. He was one face to represent many horrors in Afghanistan (and in the world) and now that he is finally out of the picture, perhaps the rest of the western world can concentrate more on actually helping the people of Afghanistan build new lives with some dignity, instead of wrecking everything and then just leaving all our shit behind for them to deal with, when not finding what we're looking for.
The people of Egypt took up arms, and marched and marched for their freedom. It was, in everyway a glorious, powerfully haunting and brutal thing. They lost so very much to gain new ground, and hopefully, hopefully, there are new roads to pave. Of course, one of the major issues pressed on from the western world should now be "Will this new democracy you are striving for include the rights of women?" Because that aspect seems conviniently forgotten now that people (a.k.a. men) want to rebuild a new and free Egypt (for men, apparently).
And today, Muammar Gaddafi, the military ruler of Libya was announced dead. In Stockholm, the news showed people of Libean heritage celebrate. Ofcourse, there is always fear, even through the happiness. What if the news is wrong? What if the riots that follow claim more lives? What if the next regime is even worse? (Believe me, that's what most Iranians had to wittness after the revolution of -79).
But still, times they are a-changing. With casualties, with chaos, but maybe maybe in a slightly better direction.
I was thinking this, when I a couple of hours earlier mentioned to a friend on Facebook-chat that I had seen the news of Gaddaffi's death. I said, it was interesting how many (I meant of these dictators) who had died or been overthrown this year. I then said, that I wondered why noone had tried to take out the Israeli regime.
Now, many would think that this is a very strange comparison. That Israel is not a dictatorship or a terrorist nation. I disagree. I believe that the Jewish people have a right to their own country, to freedom and happiness and dignified lives. I refuse to believe though, that this can only be achieved by the systematic and terrorfilled oppression of their neighbours the Palestinians, who finally made a formal appeal for their independence this autumn. Perhaps it is as writer Amos Oz says, for both nations to reach a satisfying solution, there must perhaps first be made compromises that leave both parties un-satisfied.
The Israeli regime might represent the fears of their people, persecuted for generations, but they cannot make me believe that the entire nation agrees that the best way of securing your own rights is to bring a new Holocaust upon you neighbours. The Gaza war of January 2009 was basically an attempt of annihilating a country from the face of the Earth, and the fact that the rest of the world just stood by and watch will forever be one of the most disgusting political dicisions made in my youth. It was so dispicable that some Jewish soldiers refused to go to war. Civilians protested. And everyone who part-took in these "unpatriotic acts" was sent to prison. In Sweden, that would be called discrimination against human rights and freedome of speech being violated by the rulers, but apparently, Isreal is not to be judged.
I find that horrific, and disgusting. I believe the regime of Israel is in many ways the same cruel, self-deluded madmen and murderers as Ghadaffi and Bin Laden. I believe that the nation of Israel deserves more than to carve it's future through the bodies of Palestinians, and I believe the people of Palestine have been long denied their human rights.
But, apparently saying this, or even indicating this by comparing the Israeli regime to Gaddafi and questioning why noone has tried to overthrow and kill them yet, is not kosher (haha), cause withing 5 minutes of writing this in my chat, my Facebook account was down for maintnance. The page informed me to return in a couple of minutes, and has as of then been unavailable to me for hours.
So, as I now feel very, very watched, I want to take this moment to say openly to whoever did all the conspiracy-like watching:
As a woman of Middle Eastern heritage, a feminist and socialist, I find the American foreign-politics to be a self-righteous, patriotic, religiously fanatic load of crap, and truly believe that the rest of the world would despise you much less if you kept it in your pants and stopped being such hypocritical arses. By now, half the third world would rather live in misery than have your wrecking-ball mentality invade their countries, and the other half are mostly blaming you for their regimes, as you continuously help opressors until they turn their backs on you.
Also, I am a literature major at Uni that barely passed second year high school chemistry, so you have no fear of me ever wanting to concoct anything strange on planes, not even now, even though my comments above might make me look like a potential risk. I can ofcourse see why you think me tempted though, cause of me being of so-called "terrorist decent" as i think it was called on American Dad, and the fact that your flight rules forced everyone else in the world to adapt to a system were we bring everything in with hundreds of miniature bottles, making everyone's bag look like something out of CSI. At least make it up to me by letting me off the hook when having to sign the ridiculous papers about not being a spy or affiliated with Nazi Germany pre-1945 everytime I fly to the US to visit relatives and friends, and finally:
If you really have the time to flag people like me through Facebook, mail, or phone-conversations, I propose you put your resources into other more urgent stuff: as in finding actual criminals, repaying your humoungous debt to China or donating the money to Zuckerberg - who despite all his money cannot seem to design a new Facebook update that doesn't suck.
That would be all.
The world is (still, and always will be) full of oppression that many agree on should not be ignored, but many are also the people who throw non-appreciative glances towards the US. and their foreign-policies.
The 10th year marker after 9/11 came and went, and it was odd for me to realize it had been so long since a happening that monumentally changed the world's view on people with my ethnical heritage, and gave nations the right to invade other countries far away, with no proof, no plan, and no other intention than "doing the right thing"; which was essentially bombing poor people, looking for political figures for years without finding them and then leaving whole countries in shambles in the Middle East after being accused of only going there for the oil in the first place.
Yet things have happened, and changed. Bin Laden was finally killed this year. I say finally, not because it was a good thing that a crazy oppressor was killed (because there was no trial and no real punishment for all he's done), but because he was a symbol of many a things evil, and an easy way to look at a very complicated problem. He was one face to represent many horrors in Afghanistan (and in the world) and now that he is finally out of the picture, perhaps the rest of the western world can concentrate more on actually helping the people of Afghanistan build new lives with some dignity, instead of wrecking everything and then just leaving all our shit behind for them to deal with, when not finding what we're looking for.
The people of Egypt took up arms, and marched and marched for their freedom. It was, in everyway a glorious, powerfully haunting and brutal thing. They lost so very much to gain new ground, and hopefully, hopefully, there are new roads to pave. Of course, one of the major issues pressed on from the western world should now be "Will this new democracy you are striving for include the rights of women?" Because that aspect seems conviniently forgotten now that people (a.k.a. men) want to rebuild a new and free Egypt (for men, apparently).
And today, Muammar Gaddafi, the military ruler of Libya was announced dead. In Stockholm, the news showed people of Libean heritage celebrate. Ofcourse, there is always fear, even through the happiness. What if the news is wrong? What if the riots that follow claim more lives? What if the next regime is even worse? (Believe me, that's what most Iranians had to wittness after the revolution of -79).
But still, times they are a-changing. With casualties, with chaos, but maybe maybe in a slightly better direction.
I was thinking this, when I a couple of hours earlier mentioned to a friend on Facebook-chat that I had seen the news of Gaddaffi's death. I said, it was interesting how many (I meant of these dictators) who had died or been overthrown this year. I then said, that I wondered why noone had tried to take out the Israeli regime.
Now, many would think that this is a very strange comparison. That Israel is not a dictatorship or a terrorist nation. I disagree. I believe that the Jewish people have a right to their own country, to freedom and happiness and dignified lives. I refuse to believe though, that this can only be achieved by the systematic and terrorfilled oppression of their neighbours the Palestinians, who finally made a formal appeal for their independence this autumn. Perhaps it is as writer Amos Oz says, for both nations to reach a satisfying solution, there must perhaps first be made compromises that leave both parties un-satisfied.
The Israeli regime might represent the fears of their people, persecuted for generations, but they cannot make me believe that the entire nation agrees that the best way of securing your own rights is to bring a new Holocaust upon you neighbours. The Gaza war of January 2009 was basically an attempt of annihilating a country from the face of the Earth, and the fact that the rest of the world just stood by and watch will forever be one of the most disgusting political dicisions made in my youth. It was so dispicable that some Jewish soldiers refused to go to war. Civilians protested. And everyone who part-took in these "unpatriotic acts" was sent to prison. In Sweden, that would be called discrimination against human rights and freedome of speech being violated by the rulers, but apparently, Isreal is not to be judged.
I find that horrific, and disgusting. I believe the regime of Israel is in many ways the same cruel, self-deluded madmen and murderers as Ghadaffi and Bin Laden. I believe that the nation of Israel deserves more than to carve it's future through the bodies of Palestinians, and I believe the people of Palestine have been long denied their human rights.
But, apparently saying this, or even indicating this by comparing the Israeli regime to Gaddafi and questioning why noone has tried to overthrow and kill them yet, is not kosher (haha), cause withing 5 minutes of writing this in my chat, my Facebook account was down for maintnance. The page informed me to return in a couple of minutes, and has as of then been unavailable to me for hours.
So, as I now feel very, very watched, I want to take this moment to say openly to whoever did all the conspiracy-like watching:
As a woman of Middle Eastern heritage, a feminist and socialist, I find the American foreign-politics to be a self-righteous, patriotic, religiously fanatic load of crap, and truly believe that the rest of the world would despise you much less if you kept it in your pants and stopped being such hypocritical arses. By now, half the third world would rather live in misery than have your wrecking-ball mentality invade their countries, and the other half are mostly blaming you for their regimes, as you continuously help opressors until they turn their backs on you.
Also, I am a literature major at Uni that barely passed second year high school chemistry, so you have no fear of me ever wanting to concoct anything strange on planes, not even now, even though my comments above might make me look like a potential risk. I can ofcourse see why you think me tempted though, cause of me being of so-called "terrorist decent" as i think it was called on American Dad, and the fact that your flight rules forced everyone else in the world to adapt to a system were we bring everything in with hundreds of miniature bottles, making everyone's bag look like something out of CSI. At least make it up to me by letting me off the hook when having to sign the ridiculous papers about not being a spy or affiliated with Nazi Germany pre-1945 everytime I fly to the US to visit relatives and friends, and finally:
If you really have the time to flag people like me through Facebook, mail, or phone-conversations, I propose you put your resources into other more urgent stuff: as in finding actual criminals, repaying your humoungous debt to China or donating the money to Zuckerberg - who despite all his money cannot seem to design a new Facebook update that doesn't suck.
That would be all.
onsdag, september 28, 2011
Work Flow
Today, I was alone at work due to the others being ill.
Due to spending almost two days on my own at the office, I don't really know what to do when finished with my assignments. I've read all the texts and short stories sent to me, registered comments and opinions. I've looked up some images for the picture index for one of our books, even though it is pretty tedious work, since they all seem to be pulled out of the same book yet never there to find when looking in said book. At least it's not just me it's giving a head ache, so I don't need to feel incompetent. It is apparently not a very well made index from the start...
Also, apart from my work tasks, today I have studied, corresponded with my thesis supervisor at school, and started looking over one of my own short-stories from last year that needs some editing. All this despite being doped up on painkillers. Some days I'm just better at piecing things together I guess.
Due to spending almost two days on my own at the office, I don't really know what to do when finished with my assignments. I've read all the texts and short stories sent to me, registered comments and opinions. I've looked up some images for the picture index for one of our books, even though it is pretty tedious work, since they all seem to be pulled out of the same book yet never there to find when looking in said book. At least it's not just me it's giving a head ache, so I don't need to feel incompetent. It is apparently not a very well made index from the start...
Also, apart from my work tasks, today I have studied, corresponded with my thesis supervisor at school, and started looking over one of my own short-stories from last year that needs some editing. All this despite being doped up on painkillers. Some days I'm just better at piecing things together I guess.
lördag, september 24, 2011
Bokmässan 2011
Det är tio i fem, jag har sovit tre och en halv timma och jag ska strax iväg till Cityterminalen för att ta en sex-timmars buss till Göteborg och vara med på Bokmässan för första gången. Mycket förväntansfull!
måndag, september 19, 2011
The Intern
So I got the internship. As of last week I am a weekly resident at my parents house in Stockholm, going into town for work in the morning (albeight not too early) and returning home around dinner-time like a proper office-lady, hahaha!
During the weekends I go back to Uppsala, trying to meet people and head off to the gym and do homework. At least that's the plan. But honestly, I have two (late!) assignments for the summer-course, and the deadline for an exam and the first 20 page draft of my thesis coming up by the first week of October, as well as some reviews for work that need to be written if I want a salary next month. I don't feel like I have the time to meet anyone anymore, and probably not for quite a while. And I get that I shouldn't, because honestly, friends will understand when you need to lay low for a while and get your shit together.
But knowing myself, I'll still end up watching movies with my sis and having lunch with friends in Stockholm anyway. I just think i should stop planning in stuff for the weekends so I can get some homework done and some shut-eye...
That said, I like it here. The others at MIX are smart, good at what they do and meticulous. They show me the ropes, and manage to be supportive at the same time. Not once have I felt like I don't get it. They genuinly care for their work, and I respect that a lot.
And they make me feel welcome, which I in turn repay with lots of gratitude (and work!).
I have my own desk, and a computer, and a phone as old as my sister, and it took about two days for said desk to look exactly like the rest of my life: organized chaos (mostly paper).
I really like it here. I'm suspecting 10 weeks will be over far faster than I would have hoped.
During the weekends I go back to Uppsala, trying to meet people and head off to the gym and do homework. At least that's the plan. But honestly, I have two (late!) assignments for the summer-course, and the deadline for an exam and the first 20 page draft of my thesis coming up by the first week of October, as well as some reviews for work that need to be written if I want a salary next month. I don't feel like I have the time to meet anyone anymore, and probably not for quite a while. And I get that I shouldn't, because honestly, friends will understand when you need to lay low for a while and get your shit together.
But knowing myself, I'll still end up watching movies with my sis and having lunch with friends in Stockholm anyway. I just think i should stop planning in stuff for the weekends so I can get some homework done and some shut-eye...
That said, I like it here. The others at MIX are smart, good at what they do and meticulous. They show me the ropes, and manage to be supportive at the same time. Not once have I felt like I don't get it. They genuinly care for their work, and I respect that a lot.
And they make me feel welcome, which I in turn repay with lots of gratitude (and work!).
I have my own desk, and a computer, and a phone as old as my sister, and it took about two days for said desk to look exactly like the rest of my life: organized chaos (mostly paper).
I really like it here. I'm suspecting 10 weeks will be over far faster than I would have hoped.
fredag, september 09, 2011
Kitchen-Be-Gone
In my new appartment, getting ready to head out to IKEA and to the local recycling and trash-center, to dump whatever used to once be the kitchen here.
I'm a bit nervous, but I have faith in that dad will make this place look fantastic. In the mean time, I am spending my few days in Uppsala by going to the gym, meeting friends, having plenty of meetings with faculty members at school, and trying to help out at home wherever dad thinks I am going to cause the least amount of trouble. Yesterday, I was mostly re-packing bags, listening to songs from the Devdas Soundtrack and trying to not be in my fathers way whilst he totally slaughtered the kitchen, ripping out some of the cabinets with a crow-bar. Action-Man Dad to the rescue!
Today, I've been carrying boards, cabinets and planks for a couple of hours, so I'm considering cancelling this evenings pilates, seeing as I get quite alot of excersise done right here at home. Especially since I am planning on having a night out dancing as well.
I'm a bit nervous, but I have faith in that dad will make this place look fantastic. In the mean time, I am spending my few days in Uppsala by going to the gym, meeting friends, having plenty of meetings with faculty members at school, and trying to help out at home wherever dad thinks I am going to cause the least amount of trouble. Yesterday, I was mostly re-packing bags, listening to songs from the Devdas Soundtrack and trying to not be in my fathers way whilst he totally slaughtered the kitchen, ripping out some of the cabinets with a crow-bar. Action-Man Dad to the rescue!
Today, I've been carrying boards, cabinets and planks for a couple of hours, so I'm considering cancelling this evenings pilates, seeing as I get quite alot of excersise done right here at home. Especially since I am planning on having a night out dancing as well.
fredag, september 02, 2011
Moving - again.
Today, I finally start moving into my new appartment. I signed the last papers and got the keys this morning. So, until dad gets here, I have three hours to pack my stuff, clean out the appartment I rented from a friend and run some errands downtown.
I'm excitet. As in really really excitet. And at the same time a bit scared, and very confused. There's so much to consider. Just thinking about changing wall-papers seems like a big deal. How do people renovate entire kitchens without going mad with choice?
I'm excitet. As in really really excitet. And at the same time a bit scared, and very confused. There's so much to consider. Just thinking about changing wall-papers seems like a big deal. How do people renovate entire kitchens without going mad with choice?
tisdag, augusti 23, 2011
Clone Wars.
A few years ago, I read this article about how certain themes in movies seemed to attract the attention of script-writers at the same time. It was not the matter of competing, since usually scripts are kept in the dark until actually bought, but just that certain times found certain themes well adaptable for movies.
Some ideas just didn't follow through. When Guy Richie casted Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes, Sacha Baron Cohen was cast in the same role by someone else. That project was cancelled, but Richie's movie is now getting a sequel, and BBC made a magnificent modern-take mini-series on the story just last year (to be followed up this Autumn). Some exampel's that did come out within just a few months from eachother, are:
Full Metal Jacket - Platoon.
Near Dark - The Lost Boys
Thin Red Line - Saving Private Ryan.
Antz - A Bug's Life.
Capote - Infamous.
Clash of the Titans - Immortals
And every couple of years there is a new version of some Austen/Dickens/Brontë book, or a new version of Three Musketeers or perhaps Robin Hood. Fairytales as well, will never die. Especially now that Hollywood keeps spouting out remakes of all these 40's-80's movies, you know they won't be laying off the classics.
So why did I suddenly think of this tonight? Well, within the next few months, cinemas in Sweden will show a re-make of Brontës Jane Eyre, Dumas The Three Musketeers, a Robin Hood came out last year and a Red Riding Hood this year (see what I'm getting at?).
For next year, as fortold on IMDb (I love that page), there will be both an at the moment untiteled Snow White-project with Sean Beam and Julia Roberts, as well as Snow White and the Huntsman with Charlize Theron, who looks pretty amazing in her getup.
But... Really? Even if you are running out of ideas and looking to old stories is your way to go, how does Hollywood succeed in only looking in the same direction at the same time?
Rejuvenate your buisness or get out.
Some ideas just didn't follow through. When Guy Richie casted Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes, Sacha Baron Cohen was cast in the same role by someone else. That project was cancelled, but Richie's movie is now getting a sequel, and BBC made a magnificent modern-take mini-series on the story just last year (to be followed up this Autumn). Some exampel's that did come out within just a few months from eachother, are:
Full Metal Jacket - Platoon.
Near Dark - The Lost Boys
Thin Red Line - Saving Private Ryan.
Antz - A Bug's Life.
Capote - Infamous.
Clash of the Titans - Immortals
And every couple of years there is a new version of some Austen/Dickens/Brontë book, or a new version of Three Musketeers or perhaps Robin Hood. Fairytales as well, will never die. Especially now that Hollywood keeps spouting out remakes of all these 40's-80's movies, you know they won't be laying off the classics.
So why did I suddenly think of this tonight? Well, within the next few months, cinemas in Sweden will show a re-make of Brontës Jane Eyre, Dumas The Three Musketeers, a Robin Hood came out last year and a Red Riding Hood this year (see what I'm getting at?).
For next year, as fortold on IMDb (I love that page), there will be both an at the moment untiteled Snow White-project with Sean Beam and Julia Roberts, as well as Snow White and the Huntsman with Charlize Theron, who looks pretty amazing in her getup.
But... Really? Even if you are running out of ideas and looking to old stories is your way to go, how does Hollywood succeed in only looking in the same direction at the same time?
Rejuvenate your buisness or get out.
lördag, augusti 20, 2011
Desktop
I have a week left of studies for my exams, and the stress still not as bad as it could be, which is good. I am doing well, working effectively but not fast enought, at least not yet. We'll see where I stand on that by the middle of the week.
I try to eat and sleep well, and am proud to say I'm hanging in there. Yesterday I woke up after only 4-5 hours, since the room was so warm and stuffy, and I couldn't go back to sleep. The entire day continued the same, building up to a storm, and it's been raining all night. I slept like a log, and got a good ten hours in me. I try to not stay cooped up either, and make sure I leave the appartment for a walk, a visit to the libraries, a coffee in town, just to get some fresh air and stretch my legs. All in all, I've been holding to my plan of not getting too distracted. I don't surf on the web half as much as I usually do, I ignore the phone, I canceled next weeks movie-plans, and I feel like I'm getting somewhere. It's not fun, but it's good.
For the past week, this has been the primary aspect of my life, with the exception that the titles of the books change depending on the assignment I'm working on, and that the computer sometimes shows youtube or Spotify etc, instead of the schools teaching platform.
Woop- woop...
tisdag, augusti 16, 2011
Our ways are not your ways.
My summer course this year, is a literature class revolving around the western vampire myth, from the 18th centure 'til today, focused primarily on the socio-political powerstructures and gender-roles of the genre. It's interessting and entertaining, though there is a lot more to read than I actually have the time to go through.
The past two weeks reading have centered on Bram Stokers Dracula, and we are supposed to analyze it with the help of overwhealming amounts of scholarary literature, out of which my favourite is Gilbert and Gubars The Madwomen in the Attic. Since I also have to finish up course-work and write exams next week for other classes, there's a heavy emphasis on studying in my life right now.
As a result, I woke up this morning after a very strange dream, were I was working in an office as the xerox-girl, and my boss was Keanu Reeves playing Jonathan Harker. After that, everyone at the office ended up at his mansion of a home, were we were celebrating a big Jewish holliday (this seemed extra strange to me after awakening, until I remembered that only yesterday I had a long discussion on the topic of Jonathan Safron Foers Eating Animals, and his Jewish background and how that had influenced his views on food, kosher, and meat in general). Throughout the dream, I kept wondering what on earth I was doing there, and at some point followed one of my "co-workers" to the front gates to wave them off. As I turn around Jonathan is on the front lawn, talking to someone, and does not pay attention to a big car that comes up the drive way. He calls over his shoulder to the newly arrived guest to just "go in and make yourselves comfortable" and then turns to all of us and waves us in to continue the dinner party. As we walk up the stairs, the new guest is standing by the door. As he looks up, we all realize that it's Dracula, and that this also means that Harker has invited him in. Suddenly Dracula runs off into the house, Harker chases him, and the rest of us, for some insane reason, run off after Harker.
Upstairs, I find Harker struggeling with Dracula, whose face is a mix between Gary Oldmans longhaired, eye-glass wearing version from the Coppola-film, as well as some hideously deformed, melting thing the colour of bruises. I stop, frozen, breathless, and look at the scene infront of me, and suddely can only think: Why is Dracula so PURPLE?
That's when I wake up. This reminds me very much of last years summer-course influenced dream, where I was avoiding a Baltimore druglord. I really need to start distancing myself more from my work.
The past two weeks reading have centered on Bram Stokers Dracula, and we are supposed to analyze it with the help of overwhealming amounts of scholarary literature, out of which my favourite is Gilbert and Gubars The Madwomen in the Attic. Since I also have to finish up course-work and write exams next week for other classes, there's a heavy emphasis on studying in my life right now.
As a result, I woke up this morning after a very strange dream, were I was working in an office as the xerox-girl, and my boss was Keanu Reeves playing Jonathan Harker. After that, everyone at the office ended up at his mansion of a home, were we were celebrating a big Jewish holliday (this seemed extra strange to me after awakening, until I remembered that only yesterday I had a long discussion on the topic of Jonathan Safron Foers Eating Animals, and his Jewish background and how that had influenced his views on food, kosher, and meat in general). Throughout the dream, I kept wondering what on earth I was doing there, and at some point followed one of my "co-workers" to the front gates to wave them off. As I turn around Jonathan is on the front lawn, talking to someone, and does not pay attention to a big car that comes up the drive way. He calls over his shoulder to the newly arrived guest to just "go in and make yourselves comfortable" and then turns to all of us and waves us in to continue the dinner party. As we walk up the stairs, the new guest is standing by the door. As he looks up, we all realize that it's Dracula, and that this also means that Harker has invited him in. Suddenly Dracula runs off into the house, Harker chases him, and the rest of us, for some insane reason, run off after Harker.
Upstairs, I find Harker struggeling with Dracula, whose face is a mix between Gary Oldmans longhaired, eye-glass wearing version from the Coppola-film, as well as some hideously deformed, melting thing the colour of bruises. I stop, frozen, breathless, and look at the scene infront of me, and suddely can only think: Why is Dracula so PURPLE?
That's when I wake up. This reminds me very much of last years summer-course influenced dream, where I was avoiding a Baltimore druglord. I really need to start distancing myself more from my work.
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