Spring Formal 2011

Amidst the assignments, appartment hunting, presentations, and all my other "must-do's", me and a friend attended Uppsala's Spring Formal, or as we say in Swedish, Vårbalen, this Saturday.

It was lovely. First of, my friend M is as charming as can be, and I am so happy he was my date. Since it was my first time there, he helped me out with some of the details, like the order in which you toast, and how to dance the waltz (believe me, I have no experience in wearing gowns, so the dancing in long skirts was quite tricky).
The food was rich and delicious, a five-course meal that I don't know how I managed to make room for. The drinks were abundant and the entertainment entertaining. I especially enjoyed the choirs own rendition of Rhianna.

All in all it was quite the experience, and after about 12 hours of partying, and 14 hours in a corset that's left my back bruised, I fell into bed completely exhausted, while a lot of the other participants continued with the festivities.

I think I got quite the taste for it. Now, it isn't really something one would do often, but I see the appeal. Once a year you get to dress up in a long gown, and donne jewelry and make-up you usually don't wear, feel fabulous, eat great food and have a lovely time. Why say no to that?
Of course, it's a bit on the expensive side, but worth it. And you can always be clever and choose a dress that will come in handy later on. I'm already planning on wearing mine at a friends wedding next year. Fancy and practical, just the way I like it =)

Go see: Fem.Phen.Med.

This weeks recommendation!

May 18th-21st, Uppsala University is holding a four day conference on Feminist Phenomenology and Medicin.

As a part of my present course at Uni, we are required to attend atleast four out of the 16 discussions on the articles presented.
Though I find the topic interesting, because of my very booked schedual, I probably won't attend to more than four or five. Today, I saw three of the speakers: Linda Fisher, Abby Wilkerson and Lanei Rodemeyer. It was pretty fascinating, though Wilkersons article, or perhaps topic, is a more correct word here) was the one that I felt most intrigued by.
Afterwards I also got to talk to two other of the guests, Marja-Liisa Honkasalo, who actually complimented me on my questions and recommended me some good reads, and Nikki Sullivan, who flew in all the way from Australia, who told me about the (for me) un-usual subject of her studies, queer dis(orientation) and the alienation of one from ones own body, and how this otherness manifests in the will to rid oneself of ones own physical appandeges, like arms and legs (what I consider self-mutilation), and the taboo around such a state.
As mentioned - fascinating!

Though the thing that gets me the most, is that someone has been sabotaging this conference. Sure, I get that the topic is controversial, but the response has been ridiculous.
About two weeks ago, the Center for Gender Studies at Uppsala University, put up big posters around Campus, to spread the word about the conference. Within a day, every single poster was gone. it was strange, but unfortunate. Yet, the next day, new posters were hung. And within a day, all were gone.
In the end, posters and flyers were hung up during 7-10 days. The University cleaning staff was informed about not taking down anything. The other departments put up flyers in support. And yet, except for posters put up behind locked glass cases, every single one was taken down within a day from being put up. For almost two weeks.

I just can't see who would be so angry, and have so much time on their hands, to spend two weeks of their lifes just to keep this up. What is wrong with them? What is it that is so provocative about gender studies (in Sweden!!), or about phenomenology? Or is it that they dislike the use of medicin in research on queer body images, or illness experience, or intersex and biomedicin?
It is sad, because even though it might not be in everyones field of interest, I'm sure there are people out there who would have liked seeing some of this, as there always is.

Intermission

Post-Madrid and post-Valborg. It feels like I've been dancing, eating, laughing and drinking for weeks. Maybe I have, time flows strange in spring.

I've taken up looking at new housing, after all, my lease is up in three months and it won't do to move in with family and friends unless I really have to.
Also, life is getting back to normal, or atleast I'm trying to figure out what to do to steer it back where it should be. There's a lot of studies up ahead, and with the appartment-hunt and moving, and friends going away, I don't think I'll be leaving Uppsala much more. I have a weekend in Stockholm booked for next week, and after that I'm planting my bum on Uppsala turf until I've found a new place to stay.

So, since my new classes start on monday, this is the last weekend I'll have that is a bit more relaxed. So E. is visiting me, and we're gonna watch some movies, talk and have picknick with friends if the weather allows it. After that, it's back to the grindstone.

Dear Sweden,

you suck. Your spring is awful, your wine is expensive and you are literally the place where the sun don't shine. I don't miss you at all.

In Madrid, the weather is so warm, I don't even mind when it rains. I walk hours everyday in a daze of total satisfaction at the choice of coming here alone. I'm ignoring our not-so-distant reunion, and wish you a future where I don't despise you. No love lost between us,

/N.

De vacaciones

I can barely sit still. Everything in me and around me seems to be moving with a sense of purpose that leaves a tingeling sensation in my skin, seeping into my veins and running through me to the tip of my fingers. And all I can think of is: in 26 hour in 25 hour in 24 hours... I've become the countdown.

I'm breathing warmth and sunshine already and I won't miss a thing, not a single thing. I'm walking down heated streets, dreaming living feeling the city sound, the summer sun, the far-off-ness from my life.

I'm never so much in love as when I'm travelling.

Gold Guns Girls

Nu har jag skickat in veckans recension, bestämt mig för vilka kläder jag ska packa med till Madrid och blivit helt besatt av att lyssna på Clash at Demonheads cover på Black Sheep, eller på Metric över huvud taget.

Solen skiner, jag ska på disputationsmiddag i kväll och sen ska jag ut och dansa. Det är bra.
Det mesta är faktiskt riktigt, riktigt bra.

Enkät.

Det var länge sen jag fyllde en liknande enkät och tänkte att det kunde vara lite roligt. Kopierade den här från Vildvittra.


Nämn något som gjorde dig glad igår: Träffade Balsam och Veronica!
Vad gjorde du kl 08 imorse: Sov.
Vad gjorde du för 15 min sedan: Tömde ICA-kassen och fyllde kylen.
Det sista du sa högt: ”Det är ingen fara”.
Det senaste någon sa till dig: ”Tack”.
Vad har du druckit idag: Grönt te.
Vad var det senaste du åt: En sån där måltidsersättnings-bar, eller vad man nu kallar det.
Vad var det senaste du köpte: Juice, vaniljyoghurt, vitpeppar, rökt skinka och blockchoklad.
Vad är det för färg på din ytterdörr: Ljusbrunt trä.
Vad är det för väder hos dig nu: Lite småkyligt och blåsigt men fortfarande blå himmel.
Godaste glassmaken: Ben & Jerry's Half Baked. Eller Rocky Road. Eller passionfruktssorbet. Jag går mycket efter humöret och vädret när jag väljer.
Tror du på kärlek vid första ögonkastet: Hah! Nej.
Sover du tungt: Ja.
Drömmer du mardrömmar: Ibland.
Trivs du med ditt jobb: Ja.
Favoritklädsel: Jag föredrar svart framför det mesta. Får gärna ha spetsdetaljer, massa knappar/hakar/snörning, eller en hög krage om det är en överdel. Annars är jag mycket för bekvämlighet och ett av favoritplaggen är en jeansjacka jag haft i 11 år.
Favoritlåt just nu: Covern på Metrics Black Sheep med Clash at Deamonhead, från Scott Pilgrim VS the World Soundtrack.
Vad ser du om du tittar till höger: Väggalmenackan och magnetiska anslagstavlan.
Vad gör dig glad just nu: Jag ska resa bort snart, det är vad jag tänker på mest hela tiden.
Vad ska du göra härnäst: Skriva klart en recension till jobbet.
Höger eller vänsterhänt: Höger.
Humör just nu: Saker känns helt OK. Jag är rätt uppåt just nu.
Favoritgodis: Hrm. Choklad. Och de där blårosa sötsyrliga lösgodisbitarna som smakar som bubbelgum och känns kolsyrade... Bubliz kanske de heter?
Kläder just nu: Mörka jeansleggings och en stor, svart skjorta som når ner över låren.
Sommarplaner: Jobba. Skriva på Masteruppsatsen. Flytta.
Hur många kuddar sover du med: En, ibland två.
Spelar du något instrument: Inte längre.
Morgon eller nattmänniska: Natt.
Vad är viktigast för dig: Massor med saker är "viktigast" för mig...
Är du kittlig: Lite.
Snarkar du: Bara när jag är förkyld.
Stjärntecken: Skorpion.
Äckligaste insekten: Jag är ganska likgiltig till de flesta insekter, utom kanske getingar och mygg. Däremot bör nämnas att alla på den här listan skrämmer livet ur mig.
Längtar du mest efter just nu: Madrid.

De Abril

Spring has finally sprung in these parts of Sweden, and I am feeling relief and restlessness in an odd mixture. I cannot concentrate on school, knowing my trip to Spain is just around the corner, yet I try my best on not falling behind too much.

Also, I'm trying to get some reviews written, meet some friends and achieve some of the goals I had on my 25-list. I've finished reading Mario Vargas Llosa's The Bad Girl, which was amazingly well written, and left me sometimes pitying the protagonist and sometimes detesting him for his wishy-washy pathetic choices.
I've also bought a wig, and am waiting for it with great anticipation. If it arrives to Stockholm before I leave town, I might actually wear it to my friends dissertation dinner on friday (now wouldn't that be something?)

For the weekend, I visited my lovely friend E. We talked and talked, ate good food, delicious sweets, went for midnight walks, watched anime. I've missed her, and I had a great time. Also, she got me into watching some fun, easygoing anime, and it's been a while since I took the time in seeing some cute, funny shojo that wasn't work related. I ended up watching through the entire Lovely Complex-series during the week.

After a short, over night stop in Uppsala, I made my way to the capitol city. Being home at the same time as my brother makes for a crowded house of five once again, but we all keep pretty much diffirent hours, so it's not a bother. Me and my brother haven't had much time to hang out, but my sis and I have tea, talk and watch movies. We finally saw Tangled, and I thought it was great. I've heard some people being disapointed by the end, and to some degree I agree. It is slightly lame in comparison to the rest of the movie. But at the same time, it is classic Disney. Yet Tangled must adapt to new times: noone wants to see the helpless saps that played the former heroines (Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, I'm looking at you) and Rapunzel is on par with the more edgy and brave girls like Mulan. I really enjoyed it, and Mother Gothels bitchy figure and psychological bashing made her a great villainess with an awesome song to boot.
Also, I've met some good friends, and will meet some more in the next following days. I went for a coffee with Tobe, which ended up in a two hour long, super hero- discussion. We're such nerds :P
I also visited my dearest Jo and her baby girl. Apart from a bit of tummy ache, she's a ray of sunshine, and she likes me it seems, which is always nice.

Finally, last night, me and some old friends had thai for dinner, than made it to the Royal Opera for the premiere of Coppelia. It was a humoristic and lovely performance, and since it was my first time at the ballet it made quite the impression. The entire thing has a slight Frankenstein-esque feel to it, with men making dolls they want to bring to life, and jealous lovestories, but the slight slap-stick aspect of it all gave it a light atmosphere. I was very happy about seeing it. Afterwards we went for drinks, and after some bar-hopping we decided to call it a night. I ended up sleeping for ten hours, then waking up and thinking we should most certainly do this again =)

Extracts

There hasn't been much going on in my life lately, but I thought I'd gather my thoughts and recap the last weeks happenings anyway.

My new course started yesterday. "Feminist Theory: Perspectives from Continental Philosophy". I'm looking forward to it a lot. It'll be the third course within my Masters that I'll be taking at Center of Gender Studies.
It doesn't have scheduled classes the first weeks thought, so I'm visiting my friend E. in Gävle for the weekend for the first time in a year and a half! It'll be lovely. I'm hoping for more of the spring weather we've had here the last couple of days, but I'not holding my breath, it started snowing again today after all...
Then I'm spending the following week in Stockholm. Going to meet my family, celebrate my brothers birthday, meet friends and pick up literature for my new classes. I have some school work I really want to finish before going to Madrid for Easter, so I need to get started about now.

On another note, a friend of mine is moving back home to Bolivia. I was hoping he would stay the entire semester as most of the exchange students. But he's already been here for two years, and life's calling I guess.
Also, and old classmate and friend of mine got back from Japan about two weeks ago, and visited me spontaneously this Friday. As always, hanging out with him ensures hilarity and good stories, and I had missed him. After spending a year in Japan studying, he was incredibly lucky to get out just before all the mind-boggling catastrophes that hit the country. It is almost unbelieveble how one disaster has followed another, and the process of grieving and rebuilding will tax it's people heavily.

I think this about sums up what i've been thinking about lately. Not much, but I caught a really stubborn cold about two weeks back, which turned into a mean cough. Last week I had a doctors appointment and got a very effective cough-syrup that took care of the problem. As a side-effect, it also made me really tired, and I had a couple of nights of rest where I didn't even wake during the early morning hours, which was much appreciated. Actually, even after I stopped taking the medicine this weekend, I keep sleeping like the dead. Don't know what that's about, but I guess I needed the rest, which resulted in me having a lot of slow days lately.

---

Lastly, and completely unrelated to anything else: writer Diana Wynne Jones passed away this week. She was old, and had been fighting cancer for a couple of years, yet kept writing up until the very end, with a half finished book and many ideas left behind. She was one of the female fantasy authors that I enjoyed the most, and her Howl's Moving Castle still remains one of the most charming books I have ever read.

Late Night Update

I caught a cold over night, and cancelled my plans for the day.
Instead I spent it all reading, knitting, browsing appartments online, cooking, and writing on reviews for work. Pretty productive in retrospective, I'd say.



Have a bit of difficulty sleeping with this cough, so I'm just gonna curl up on the couch, finish knitting my friends scarf, drink tea with honey and watch The Good Wife.

La Femme

Yesterday was International Women's Day. It started out as a rights movement amongst working class women, and has throughout the years spread around the globe. Now in some areas, it has apparently lost some of it's original meaning. And in some parts of the world, women still don't have the basic rights to even be allowed to discuss their human rights.

In Sweden, it has becaome a tricky topic. Self-procliamed as "the worlds most equal country", a lot of people think that protesting for, and demanding of, female rights is ridiculous. Or, as I often hear: "You're pushing things too far."

In a so called equal society, feminism is becoming an insult. Men "don't like" feminists, because they're all man hating crazy women. It's obvious that feminists don't want equality, they actually just want a reverse order where women are on top. And some women don't like feminists, because it's "so obvious they're all just butch lesbians".

Not only do I think this way of thinking is repulsive, it is so ignorant. Men who think feminists are "out to get them", are actually just painting the world in clearer colors. You KNOW how priviliged you are. You know that you have the power of millenia of patriarchy at your back, and you're scared shitless of being pulled down from the top of the food chain.

And women who don't like feminists, often seem more concerened by how men percieve feminists, than what it actually stands for - equal rights. Not being belittled as just a kind of breeding cow, but accepted as a person with the same pre-disposed abilities to learn, to evolve, to proceed in a field of work.

I am sure there are pretty extreme feminists out there. Women who think men are the scum of the earth. That doesn't mean that they are supposed to represent everyone, in the same way some child molesting catholic priest doesn't represent all Christians, a man in a cave somewhere wearing a turban doesn't represent all muslims, and a wife beater doesn't represent all men. Statistically, most rapes are of women falling victim to men, most often men they already know. Family, friends. Just because horrendous things like this happens, it doesn't mean that all men are untrustworthy psychopaths. That because these men are monsters, all other men are to be lumped in together with those predetory sickos we see on news broadcasts.

What I'm trying to say is, there is no finding of truth in viewing the world through such ignorant eyes. Form you own opinion based on facts. See to what the root of an issue is before you judge a cause or the people fighting for it, and don't think that one fanatic is ever to represent a group.

Yesterday, was 8th of March, and yet another year in my life passes by where nothing much has changed in the worlds view on women. We stand for more than half the population of the world, but amongst our gender you find the poorest and the sickest. Women are left without rights to express themselves, without means to education, without material assets, and not even with the rights to their own bodies and sexuality.

And even in Sweden, "the worlds most equal country", women get lower wages for the same work as their male colleages, and are seen in much fewer positions of power. They are still denied employment because they stand the risk of getting pregnant, and therefore costing companies money. They are still seen as the home-maker despite the fact that many women work full time, and are expected to spend more time with they're children than the fathers. A father, who does not stay home at all with he's baby on paternaty leave, is still not uncommon. A woman who only takes the minimum of given maternaty leave to return to work, is regarded asa terrible and unsuiteble mother.

Why? Why are we not worth as much as our friends, brothers, lovers? And why do so many still ignore it? It's not about winning, or about who one-uped the other. This isn't about women's rights or men's loss of rights. It's about human rights. Who has them, and who doesn't. And why we keep accepting a society built on such disgusting values.

In the end, my main point is, how can you believe in human rights, in humanity and in a progressive society, and not be a feminist?

Sunshine Dreaming

Jag är i Stockholm några dagar nu. Springer ärenden, får lite jobb gjort, träffar ett par vänner och är med familjen. Just nu är jag ensam hemma hos föräldrarna, har just ätit och pendlar mellan ifall jag borde plugga spanska eller läsa manga att recensera till jobbet.

Egentligen borde jag gå igenom min CV, som legat orörd sedan februari 2008. Jag har bara lektioner på fredag nu (kanske jag sagt?) och ett deltidsjobb skulle ju vara fantastiskt. Samtidigt betyder inte bristen av planerad lektionstid att jag har lite att göra i skolan, snarare är det fullt upp. Så å ena sidan oroar jag mig för att ett deltidsjobb ska komma i vägen för skolarbetet (så som det alltid gjort), samtidigt som jag både vill ha något som bryter av mot studielivet och behöver en ny inkomstkälla. Lagom till sommaren tänkte jag flytta ut från korridoren, och det skulle vara skönt om jag antingen har en deltidstjänst eller lite sparade pengar att utnyttja.

Värst är att jag mest av allt bara vill bort. Jag vet att våren äntligen börjar närma sig, och ja ja ja, jag älskar att det töar och att solen skiner bakom rutan tills platsen i soffan blir alldeles varm där jag sitter, och hur jag de senaste dagarna ångrat att jag inte tagit med solglasögonen så snart jag stigit ut ur huset. Men det hjälper inte. Det räcker inte.
Det är för sent för mig för nu har jag redan resan i huvudet och det river i mig av viljan att komma bort, att uppleva annat att gå på nya gator, äta ny mat, dricka annat vin, låta solljuset smeka benen och solglasögonen hålla tillbaka håret.
I november intygade mig mina grannar spanjorskorna, att jag borde hälsa på de i Madrid kommande år. I den iskalla novemberkylan, -20 redan veckan efter min födelsedag, var det som om någon fångat mitt hjärta med en fiskekrok och bara vevade in mig. Jag ville plötsligt inget hellre. Det var allt jag kunde tänka på första veckan. Men jag hade inte råd, inte tid och så stod jag inte ut med tanken på att åka någonstans varmt och skönt (inte för att Madrid inte har vinter, men de lyckades ändå ha det mer än 15 grader varmare än Stockholm/Uppsala), och sedan komma tillbaka till det här.

Så vi planerade, funderade, och i julas bestämde vi oss för att åka till påsken. Nu närmar sig utsatt datum. Jag skrapar ihop lön, sparpengar och ber om gamla utlånade pengar tillbaka. Jag försöker att inte unna mig några utsvävningar den närmaste månaden, lägger undan det jag har, medan kroppen känns nästan elektriskt laddad av förväntningar, av en längtan hos någon som åtrår något med tunnelseendets intensivitet.

Casa del Corazón

Today marked the two year anniversary of me getting the appartment keys to my place in Uppsala. I really can't believe I've already lived here for two full years. This place, this small corridor room, with it's shared kitchen space and all it's ever-changing neighbours, has turned my entire life upside-down.

I was another person when I got here, which sometimes feels like just yesterday (and just as often feels like forever ago). I've learned a lot of things: that I'm stronger than I thought, and more resilent. I'm less scared of new things now, more excited by the prospect of new adventures. I'm happier than when I got here. Richer in terms of experiences, in seeing and understanding the world, and most of all in friendships.

I've gotten to know a lot of wonderful people. Caring, un-inhibited, clever, witty, supportive, encuraging, party-loving, trusting, loyal people who have shared everything from their laughs, pain, their bad habits and their good sides with me. I love them, and though some of them have moved on and live far away from me now, I miss them and think of them. Remember them and cherish what they have given me.
I can't count the nights we've been up just talking. Or the times we stumble in at one, three or five in the morning, dead tired from dancing and tipsy, just to start cook right then and there for 10 people or more. Or the ridiculous corridor parties we've had, with the nightmarish amount of cleaning lined up for us the days after. The movie-nights, the cardgames, the travelling, the danicing and clubbing, the sharing of news and stories from home over cups of tea, the lazying about in the sun... I've been very lucky to have gotten a second family like this one.

Ofcourse, nothing is always good. There's been rough times. Stress, sickness, bad news, dissapointments. But all the many ups and downs included, it's been amazing. I really wish I could thank each of the crazy bastards that made my corridor (or Horridor, as it is so affectionally called, with a lot of varied spellings depending on who's talking...) life such a laugh. It's been like nothing else, and I doubt anything in my future, despite how great it might be, will ever compare to the insanity that has been my past two years. It's been quite the party.

Summer in a Box

Yesterday, I faced my non-sensical fear of tanning beds, and went to the local beauty salon. It's located only two buildings away from where I live, and I basically only knew it as "that place next to the laundromat". Afterwards, I could see a subtle tanline too, but there was no real diffirence, which is probably good after such a short first visit. Wouldn't wanna turn orange or anything.

Anyway, as previously mentioned, I was recommended by a Californian former neighbour, as well as a Swedish neighbour, to try the tanning bed this winter. They said the warmth and the light did wonders for their mood during Swedish winter. I decided to give it a try, hoping that it would help so that I would have something to help me get through my down-ward spiralling moods in the future dark seasons of the year.

It was pretty good, I must say. Though I only tried it for 10 minutes, it was nice and warm, without being uncomfortable and sweaty. Also, the fan close to the head gave this breeze-like sound slightly reminicent to the sounds of being close to the sea (if you tried hard to imagine it...). Initially, I was a bit freaked out by the whole thing, laying there and basically closing the lid on yourself. But half way through, it was hard not to be swept away by the lovely feeling of being all warm, as if the sun was actually out and shining and glorious again.
I'll probably go back for a 15 minut visit next month.

Balance

Friday was spent in a whirlwind haze of ambitiously trying to do all my household chores at once.
I spent the day doing laundry, vacuuming, doing loads of dishes, baking chocolate cupcakes and pineapple pie, grocery shopping, folding laundry, as well as attending my afternoon classes.

At 8.30PM, three of my friends from Stockholm arrived, and an entire weekend of talking, eating, drinking coctails, playing cardgames and laughing ensued. On Saturday, we joined other of our friends and kept up the small scale but thorough partying all night.
They drove off again last night after 48 hours of joint lazying about, and left me planning for a week of studying, working out and other thing the weekends gluttony should inspire.

Ofcourse, those are all plans procrastinated until tomorrow. Today is about reading, watching movies and perhaps studying some Spanish, if I'm up for it. Mostly just reading, I think. I'm gonna keep it all very low-key and un-ambitious today. I'm all about balance, after all.

---

On a completely seperate note, I miss Gorka and Amie very much...

Year 6

Honestly, when I "launched" this small scale project of mine, I don't think I ever believed it would be holding my interest for so long. Today marked the start of it's sixth year online. And though it has been un-even in regards to updates, it holds alot of dear memories, and many reminders of who I used to be. Or who I am and why.

A year ago, I remarked on not wanting to share as much of my life online anymore. I think that is still the case, but I don't mind going back to more regular and daily updates again. I've also started another blog, and I write more fiction on my spare time. It makes me happy.
This has during long periods of time been the only place where I have gotten any writing done, apart from school-related assignments and reviews for work. It might not have been what I would have preferably written, but it has been something, and that makes it worth keeping up.

Also worth noting, my life as a whole feels more structured than it did this time a year ago, and the change is a welcomed one. It looks like I'll be staying in Uppsala for yet another year as well, and I feel no restlessness connected to the thought.
Though I must add that I wouldn't turn down some travelling, especially when the thermometor, as it does right now, displays a -18degrees Celsius...

Stylo

During the past week, I've been doing some part-time work, preparing for a jurist conference on insolvency (yeah, it's probably as fun as it sounds, to be a lawyer...) here in town.
It's a few extra bucks for my planned trip to Madrid, and might lead to some additional small scale project-employments of the kind in the future.

Since I'm used to having classes in the afternoon and getting up late during the days, working so early is cutting in on my sleep hours. I mean, today I had to get up at 10 to 6. That's just wrong. But hopefully, it'll get me on a better routine, and I'll stop going to bed so terribly late (wishful thinking). Also, I haven't been to the gym again this week, and it's getting me a bit annoyed (which is a good sign! Not long ago I couldn't have cared less). But atleast I've been doing some walking. The office is on the other side of town, so it's a 45 minut walk at it's minimum in these weather conditions.

The other night, walking back home in the cold and dark, me and my friend were passed by a bike. The biker turned around and called my name, and to my surprise it was my former neighbour. He and his wife are really sweet people who recently moved out because they could not live with such crazy, loud people. They even apologized for not staying! We're very understanding of the fact that we are the problem, and forgive them for not loving us unconditionally :P
The point is, he had seen me from behind at quite the distance and still known it was me. It turns out, as he put it, he had "recognized that crappy hat", hahaha! I pretended to be truly offended and claimed that I loved my hat. He laughed and said that the boots also gave me away.
I thought about it for a second and replied in agreement "Yeah, makes sense. How many other girls do you know who wear big fur hats from the men's department, combat-like boots and a frilly skirt at the same time?"

I have an eclectic sense of style.

Säg Omelett

I ett förvirrat, svagt och alldeles för nyfiket ögonblick har jag gått med på att klä ut mig till en spelkaraktär till Ninas fotoprojekt.

Jag har aldrig varit förtjust i att fotograferas, och lyckas därför aldrig sitta still när jag är medveten om att kameralinsen har satt mig i fokus. Särskilt på senare år tror jag att det blivit värre. Men till och med som yngre tyckte jag alltid att jag blev konstig på bild, och det är kanske det obekväma kroppsspråket som är problemet.
Fördelen med detta projekt är som sagt att jag är utklädd, med peruk och allt annats som hör därtill. Jag behöver därför inte oroa mig för hur jag ser ut, för det är heller inte meningen att jag ska likna mig själv.

Har dock bestämt mig för att om fotosessionen går bra, så ska jag ställa upp på att bli fotograferad av Björn också. Han har frågat tidigare, och trots att jag imponerats av andra bilder han tagit så har jag aldrig vågat. Kanske om jag får ha peruk?

Goodbye/Hello

I've started out this year with a whole lot of non-blogging, and it's time for a belated update.

I'm attending a new course named (atleast I think the translation would be) Representations of Diversity, which is held by the Center av Gender Studies at Uppsala University. I really like how the Master program in Humanities gives you the opportunity to read many courses outside your own main field as a part of the two year study. Of course, I still really like literature, and am still pleased with my major, but a lot of the mandatory classes have been a snooze at the best.

Other than the course, I should really plan on getting back to writing my thesis. Haven't really touched it for a couple of months now. I do some research, but I think it's about time I get something down on paper. I hope to have finished a 30 page draft by Easter.

And when mentioning Easter, I plan to go visit some friends in Madrid for the holidays! I've never been to Spain and look forward to sun and sights. Also, it gives me a good timespan for practicing basic skills in Spanish. I've gotten some language courses from the local library, and from this week I will be studying Spanish for atleast four hours a week. That is more than what they schedualed for our third language in school, when I started out with French in sixth grade. So hopefully, there will be some results. It also would be nice to make som progress on my goals for this year.

Talking goals, I've been watching some of the movies I'd like to cross off of my IMDb-list. Saw Casablanca with my sister and C'era una volta il West with my dad. He had seen it before, but like me, he usually doesn't mind re-watching movies.
It should also be mentioned that I went on a 40hour cruise to Riga with some of my neighbours in the beginning of January. This effectively both marked the 25-list boxes for "Visiting a European capitol I've never been to" and "dare to sing kareoke" which I managed to part-take in on the cruise ship, even though the results varied alot. Riga in itself was pretty (atleast the Old Town) but freezing, so we spent most of the time there shopping and eating.

Back in Sweden, I've spent my time figuring stuff out.
It sounds silly, but it's true.
I need to structure my studying better. And I need to get a part-time job. I have the time since I don't have that many classes, and I do homework better in the evenings and at night. So, a job. Though how I'll get that in a city full of money-starved students is beyond me. But I'll try. I'm down with a serious case of hit-the-road-blues, and you can't travel nowhere if you don't have the coins for it.

I've also been trying to make the most out of my time with friends who have been leaving. For Christmas break, my crazy yet darling former neighbour G came to visit us, and though I wish we had time to see more of eachother, it was wonderful yet sad to have her here. Three weeks after she left again, the second one of my two close exchange-student friends packed up her bags and flew cross-Atlantic. After more than three years in this town, she decided to find new adventures elsewhere. Though I am happy for her and all the oppurtunities San Fransisco will offer her, A left another dent in my already bruised heart when she left this week. I've cried over both of my friends, and even though I believe that I will see them again for sure, the loss of them as a part of my daily life weighs me down more than usual some days.

Yet as a symbolic sign from life itself though, one of my closest friends officially became a resident of Uppsala just the day after A left. And it feels lovely of course. There will always be good people in my life, it's just that noone replaces the other, and noone fills the empty space left by another. That is good, but also heavy for the heart.
Moving his stuff in, and helping out with whatever I could, made me think about how much things you actually collect. I haven't given it the slightest thought in almost two years, since I moved to Uppsala. But the leaving of many friends has left me the inheritor of a lot more things than I got here with. The more I consider it, the more I think it's time for me to go through my things and get rid of all that is truly useless to me, but that I've saved "just in case" (and I wouldn't be surprised if the amount of crap could fill out an entire wardrobe or something).
Or, I could always move to a bigger place. Which gets another string of thoughts jumbled together in my head waiting to be heard and observed, and a whole row of emotions waiting to be untangled just by the thought of moving on yet again.

But that is life, and as mentioned, I'm trying to figure it out.

Ain't No Sunshine

New semester starts this week on friday, and I am gathering books at the libraries in hopes of keeping the costs for new literature to the minimum. It's happened too many times that I never open a book again after the classes have reached their end, and I've tried very hard to not buy any books I won't have any interest in later.

At the moment, I'm looking over both my economy and my study-plans, and feel like I need to do some serious reconsidering. I spend too much money on books, food, going out dancing, and I know that if I just made an effort, I'd be able to save up some at the end of every month instead of using up almost all of it. Also, I need to get new habits when it comes to studying. As always, I study way too late at night, and usually always too close to deadline. It has, I must admit, worked well for me in the past years. But I'm getting older and I truly prefer some good, stable hours of sleep. And, I really want to try and hit the gym more than twice a week (unfortunately, this week has been a complete no-go), which means better routines all together.

All of this would be so much easier if I didn't despise the cold so much. Winter season drains me, and I don't like to go out when it's cold, and end up sleeping all the odd hours of the day. When I finally manage to socialize, it's always to go out for dinner or movies or dancing, activities that cost and once again keep me indoors.
On the recommendation of a Californian friend, I think I'm gonna try the tanning salon. He said it really helped him not to feel tired and light-starved while he lived in Sweden. It would be terriffic if it worked. And wierd to some degree, because it means I could have saved myself years of seasonal sadness with some artificial light baths once a month for years. Then again, it might not be the case. I am still unreasonably scared of the tanning bed and it's coffin-like shape, and in the back of my head a voice keeps warning me that the thing might get all jammed and have me lie there stuck inside it. I know it's unlikely, but fear doesn't have to make sense.

Then again, this entire year is supposed to be about facing fears, getting a hold of my life, getting new routines and trying new things. If you have to start somewhere, it might as well be on a tanning bed as anywhere else.