Scraps of Heart.

I lied. Gods, how I lied. Through my teeth I lied. And I feel blank blank blank. Except I don't, because it really did hurt. It hurts to hear, to know, to say. I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't laugh when I said it didn't matter. It does matter because it hurts to know. I lied because it hurt. Because I have this lump in my throat or is it my gut, twisting and coiling? It's a snake, I know. It's a snake on the inside and it's squeezing the air out of my lungs, it's crushing my bones, it's making me suffocate on my own blood. Except it's not, because there's nothing there, really, nothing but hurt feelings and the wounded heart and the lump in my throat that I want to tear away, I want it to go away but it won't leave it won't go away it doesn't leave me alone, except I really am alone. There's only me and the empty heart. Jewel box-heart locked and safe, with nothing worth showing hid away.

Pitter patter,
broken dreams
Heaven’s crying
silver streams.

Shattered words
put in my pockets
braided later
into lockets.

Drops of tears
‘round the neck
this body holds
a sorry wreck.

Lonely soul
adrift in sleep
caged little heart
cut so deep.

- Nahal, juli 07

I lied today. Then I pretended that I hadn't.